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The 10 Worst Excuses for Not Owning a Vibrator

Having established that sexual enhancement is something we need to aim towards, and that we can all benefit from discovering the different sensations that our body can have from different stimulation, there are still some who just can’t bring themselves to try a little electronic help.

Here are some of the best excuses I’ve heard in order to avoid (what should be) the inevitable progression:

1. My partner will be threatened by the competition

Vibrators are an enhancer and not a replacement. Despite their reputation from “Sex and the City”, there are no reported cases of clinical addiction to vibrators.

2. My partner will worry that I’m too kinky

The idea that adding a toy to a routine sex life will be the beginning of a slippery slide into the world of sexual deviancy, is unfounded. Remember that when it comes to long-term sexual relationships, variety is important to avoid loss of excitement. Among the wide range of available sex aids, there is certainly something that is enticing enough to tweak your interest without feeling too bold for your taste.

3. I’ll like it so much that I’ll never need a partner

Singles often express concern about being too independent. Rather, you should consider yourselves sexually peaked and more in touch with what you need and like. It can only add to your ability to enjoy sex with another person.

4. The size of the vibrator might spoil me

Vibrators, like men and women, come in all sizes. Most women report that after initial use, they use their vibrators mostly clitorally (not for penetration). They could actually be satisfied with a 2″ lipstick-sized toy, and not feel cheated, in the slightest, if you`ll excuse the pun.

5. Sex should be natural, not dependent on artificial help

Dildos, the oldest form of sexual aids, have been used for thousands of years. In fact, evidence from China suggests that they were probably in use 4,000 years ago. I would dare to say that looking for sexual stimulation in different forms, is absolutely human.

6. My children might discover it

Yes, they may. They’ll probably also find any other porn, erotica, embarrassing letters and emails you thought were well stashed away. From a sex education point of view, knowing their parent (or parents) uses sexual enhancers will in the long run be far less damaging than any porn they discover at a young age. As far as traumatizing them goes, those items you once considered sexy underwear but haven’t dared trying on since Wham! broke up, will probably provide a much harsher visual.

7. I would die of embarrassment in a sex shop

True, sex shops can be sleazy and even degrading. In a place where quite a lot of advice is called for, you may find the salespeople to be threatening and poorly qualified for the task. The internet offers solutions but be prepared for as many, if not more, sleazy and misinformed sites as there are good ones. Just know that today you can find places to purchase with comfort, tact and authority, which also take into consideration that service and delivery should be discreet.

8. Its not healthy

I beg to differ. Keep your toy clean with a simple wipe down after each use, don’t transfer between different body orifices (or use a condom when trying something else) and don’t share with others unless you know its safe enough to share other body fluids and you will be perfectly safe. The health benefits of orgasm are well documented: cardio-vascular exercise, muscular use and tension relief to name but a few.

9. The noise will give me away

Correct, some vibrators do sound like lawn mowers, and it would be worthwhile to advise on the noise level before taking the plunge, especially if there are others around the bedroom, bathroom, office etc. when you plan to use it. Depending on the material that the machine is made of, the sound can range from almost silent to highly conspicuous but solutions are definitely available.

10. I don’t need a vibrator, I have an electric toothbrush

Fair enough. But what do you brush your teeth with?

Remember, there are more bacteria in the mouth than in any other body cavity!

 


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