Day 12 After Surgery
I went to my Dr’s for a post op on Monday, the day this was taken.
Things were not all I had been hoping for. People would ask me if I was fixed and I would tell them that I simply could not tell as the stitches are in the exact same place as the pain, so it is really hard to tell.
This causes an incredible amount of anxiety in me because I just went through what should be one of the most effective treatments, and if it doesn’t work, I am completely fucked. Well not fucked, but there aren’t that many options left on the table.
Added to that fear was a slight downturn in the health. I arrived at her office fairly stressed out as I had worked my first day since the op and was a nervous wreck. I was also sporting some skin inflammation which was making everything raw and uncomfortable. I was also afraid I had pulled some stitches because they weren’t looking fabulous.
She and I talked and everything was looking good, I pulled a stitch but still looked like I was healing fine. She gave me directions for my skin as well. She could tell that something was off. I usually make jokes when I get nervous but when I am depressed I don’t care to mediate the universe.
She asked me, “Do you feel disheartened?”
I told her that it was a psychological thing. I felt like I was the woman who got all the plastic surgery done on her face and she has to wait to see if it is what she wanted. I just want to unwrap those bandages and see my results.
Next entry: Spent
This is the story of Arashi, visual artist, writer and sex-positive vestibulitis patient and her surgical choice to heal her condition.