Queen of Diamonds

This week is all about the queen. No, not Freddie, not the guys in drag either. I am, of course speaking about the heart and bones of Buckingham. Forgive me for my irreverence on this mighty occasion of her 60th year on the thrown, but in more modern forms of governance, a dozen years, never mind 5 dozen, would be tantamount to corruption. Yet fair is fair, she does have blood of a different colour.

So what could I possibly add to all that has been said about Lizzie, on this, her Jubilee celebration? What does it take to reach 60 years in the exact same job? Other than tenure, which she got up front, we may want to look into what she has in common with the only other person known to have done it before her. That would be Queen Victoria. The Virgin Queen. And back to our current monarch, doesn’t all that white make you feel like you’re looking at someone purer than the Virgin Mother herself?

Alright, Elizabeth is a married woman and even a mother of 4, but that tells us nothing about her sex life since 1964. Just look at her: that level of uptightness cannot be staged, it has to be deeply rooted. And believe me, it is. Because the smile in the particular photo shown here is so out of character that it is either Photoshopped, or as in the case with babies, some smiles are really just gas.

So what could it be that makes virgins and prudes hang on to their titles with a fury that men in love (Edward VIII) and women with ambitious hearts (Diana and Fergie) simply won’t? I don’t know, but it seems to me that professional royalty is a posh graveyard for a great deal of sexual energy.

With the real-world-turned-royal Kate now looking like more of a well-covered coat hanger than a woman who remembers the taste of a carb, I can only wish future princesses and queens that they hold onto their essential femininity and sexual beings, with the same passion with which the nation holds onto them as fairytale figures.

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