When Speedy Feels Seedy: Premature Ejaculation

Orgasming too quickly may be something that some women could only dream of “suffering” from, but for a significant proportion of men, it’s a real problem.

Premature Ejaculation” is a sexual dysfunction, but the criteria that qualify a man for this condition are quite fluid. Some people measure it in time, or even in strokes; others judge by the level of control. The official psycho-medical diagnosis says that a man is a premature ejaculator if he feels distressed over his lack of ejaculation control and this leads to interpersonal problems with his partner.

Depending on how they define it and what age group is concerned, studies have shown that between 20 and 70% of men experience premature ejaculation. Since “cumming too quickly” is such a subjective definition, the numbers don’t really matter; what is important to know is that it is the most common sexual dysfunction in men under age 40, so it deserves attention and better acknowledgement.

Ultimately, you don’t need a sex therapist or doctor to define your situation. It’s enough to know that a lot of men – especially when they are younger – feel that their sexual enjoyment is compromised because they cannot hold off their orgasm and ejaculation as long as they would like to. Being able to control, to some degree, your orgasm and ejaculation, can allow you to feel more pleasure, be more relaxed during sex and give your partner more pleasure.

But do not think that pleasing your partner is all about being able to hang in there endlessly. You can extend the sex without extending the penetration element and both feel completely satisfied. In fact, thinking that the reason your lover is unsatisfied is because of your short fuse, might just be a selfish oversight, if you consider that some 70% of women are not able to orgasm from penetrative sex. For every few women who want a lover who can go on forever, there are a few women who would just as well get the penetrative part over with, and spend more time in the so-called foreplay or oral play. In order to understand if a man’ ejaculation control is a problem or not, couples need to understand more about both peoples’ enjoyment and orgasms, and this could or could not mean working on his ability to hang (or stand) in there longer.

There are a range of treatments and therapies, some of which are relatively quick fixes, and others that demand a personal, professional consultation.

Desensitization Creams

Some men can be helped by simply applying a cream that desensitizes the penis. It is best to discuss with a doctor, to find the best available option, but there are now some available over the counter.


Another simple method is to use a latex condom. This can decrease sensitivity and if that is not enough, there are condoms available with desensitization cream on them. It is also reasonable to layer up with two condoms at a time.

Stop-and-Start Technique

The stop-and-start technique is somewhat successful in teaching men to stop and reduce their level of stimulation just before they ejaculate. This technique takes time and practice, and is best learned when masturbating. It involves developing discipline to stop yourself from reaching orgasm, despite it being such a powerful impulse.

The man learns to identify the moment, just before ejaculation when is looming but not inevitable, however soon it may be after beginning. After a break of about half a minute, he then starts again and repeat the exercise a few times. Over time he should learn to differentiate different levels of arousal, slowly develop control of the build-up to orgasm and allow orgasm when he chooses.

The Squeeze Method

Like the stop-and-start method, the man practices stopping all stimulation before ejaculation, but instead of simply waiting to restart, he or his partner gently press the spot just below the tip of the penis (where the glans meets the shaft). This will not only stop the orgasm from proceeding, but will actually weaken his erection.

The couple then returns to stimulation and repeats the exercise a few times until you choose to ejaculate.


Another option is using medicines, but all of these need a doctor’s prescription. Some of these are the same family of drugs used against depression. These tend to work by controlling anxiety, which is often at the base of the problem.


There are many different therapy models that work on different people to different extents. Some therapists believe that men need to reduce the level of stress and pressure that arises as soon as they begin having sex, so they encourage romance and various distractions. The idea is to have them less cognizant of whatever causes this tension, whether it is a deeply entrenched guilt about sex, fear about one’s personal or relationship status or performance anxiety.

Other therapists think that men who need more ejaculatory control need to learn to face the pressure of sex instead of avoiding it, so they make them confront all their fears and inadequacies.

Toys (or Sexual Aids, if you prefer)

Although this doesn’t offer a real cure, using a dildo during couple’s sex to give extra penetrative stimulation to the receptive partner, can take the pressure off a guy experiencing premature ejaculation. Reducing the stress is usually a better place to work from and can provide an opportunity to communicate each others’ needs and desires.

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