Octo-Wisdom on Religion and Sex

My work is so much easier when I have satellites working for me. Most of the time, okay, pretty much all of the time, they aren’t working for me. But in going about their business they’re doing the best damn sex education that anyone could do. Take the Octomom, for example: a lesson in contraception, bar none.

She recently got me thinking about religion and sex. No, she hasn’t taken to philosophy. The woman who thrusts her pitiful persona into the headlines and keeps finding her way back onto our screens, has managed to get our gall flowing yet again.

When we heard that she’d be having kids 7 through 14 in one shot and bringing them into a poverty-stricken, single-parent home, we tried to understand. When we saw her leaving premies, newborns and a whole lot of toddlers to go out and get her nails done, we sniggered. When she sold her family to reality TV, we knew that she was an exhibitionist and a grave-digger (make that a cot-digger!) When we heard she was going on welfare, which she swore she’d never do, and then getting payments for various children’s special needs, we found pity and felt like giving her a break. But when she started doing strip-joints and staring in a porn feature, we were so sickened that we wished she’d just stop showing up for further public humiliation. It’s still sickening to think that there are 14 children who should not be in her care.

But if that was not exhaustive, Nadya Suleman is now displaying yet another child: this one, her 23-year old boyfriend.  What, the tribe you have at home leaves you with spare time and no more plastic surgery to keep you entertained? Of course, everyone has the right to find love and companionship, and certainly some sex. But Nadya vowed to be celibate for 15 years after the octo-birth and some people take vows seriously. And she may have made the declaration under the influence of advanced sleep deprivation, but still, she shouldn’t be alienating her fan base, even if most of them are the type that wear purity rings.

But I digress. Back to my original point about sex and religion, we’re down to the latter part of the connection. Well, when asked how they met, she’s announcing to the world that it was at church. Nadya, dear, your misunderstood pro-life argument that made you need to implant all your remaining fertilized eggs, your talk of celibacy (until you realized that some people would be willing to date you for 15 minutes of fame) and your I’m-a-regular-at-church-services talk are all rather tsunamied away by your sex work. Maybe if you’d try selling your hair first like Fantine, instead of just getting it done.

God bless the stupid and the stupider.


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