whether or not we choose to act on it in a genital way.

It’s not just about intercourse and orgasm.

It’s about receptiveness and movement.

It’s about our most profound emotions

and how we reach out to touch others.

It’s about how we think and feel and love.

It affects every aspect of our lives and

it’s potentially there

until we cease to inhabit this planet.

As an ISIS woman wisely said,

“Sex isn’t everything, but it’s part of everything.”

                                                                                   Gina Ogden, PhD

                                                                                   The Heart and Soul of Sex

Uma is a medium-large sized insertible vibrator, with a shape that makes it both sizable and discreet at the same time. The top and bottom ends are broad, with a slim waist, as it were. This may seem skimpy to the novice, or to a woman who knows that bulk is her thing. Uma is by no means a vibrator with a lot of girth, but it is still highly practical: the widest part is the bottom end, so its girth can really be felt when it is inserted deeply. This is less useful for a woman who likes width together with shallow insertion. Here we have a not-too-wide head, which is great for G-spot use or clitoral use. It is not ideal for the woman who wants a bulky dildo; because of the narrow middle, though, it has the advantage of making Uma rather light weight.

The smoothness is not limited to the curvy shape, it is also gorgeously smooth to the touch because of the high-grade silicone that seamlessly lovers it. There are no unexpected charging points because the charging is done by a magnetic attachment to the bottom end, where the control buttons are placed.

Speaking of curve, this has a great shape for holding and for G-spot play, so extended play is made easier.

The two buttons at the base are used to switch on/take the speed up (marked +) or down/off (marked -). This is more comfortable that having a single button, which is awkward for taking the speed down. Here finding the right speed can be done without too much concentration. The buttons, it must be said, are slightly stiff, so activating them takes a good push. This can be somewhat complicated if you are changing strengths in the middle of the action. Then again, some of us don’t have much need to change once they’ve found what they’re looking for.

There are three colour choices, black, purple and pink, which basically cover most of the the bases: sultry, down-played or titillating. Yet, all are still mature and very stylish. This is aimed at a woman with a preference for high-end toys, but not demanding special effects – just simple and tasteful.

The rechargeable power mechanism makes it relatively light-weight (compared to battery-operated), powerful, ready to go for 2 hours straight, not to mention eco-friendly.

The five levels of power go from moderately gentle to powerful, but not super-intense. The vibrations are not very smooth; the Uma tends to shudder as it works. It is definitely effective, in fact, some women say that this kind of vibration is better than a smooth massage which can numb if not carefully moved around. The noise is more than your average rechargeable toy, but not uncomfortably rowdy.

Uma is part of the Je Joue range of high-end sex toys, designed in the UK.

Features

• Medium-large sized vibrator
• Designed for vaginal and G-spot stimulation
• Covered with high-grade silicone
• Rechargeable motor
• Two button interface (+ and -)
• 5 speeds
• Comes in black, dark purple and pink
• Length: 180mm (7″)
• Fully waterproof
• Rechargeable motor (charger included)
• Works for up to 120 minutes when fully charged
• Light indicates when Uma is charging
• Comes with a stylish storage box
• Designed in the UK

Advantages

• Discreet for a large toy
• Comfortable to hold
• Seamless
• Light weight
• Range of speeds
• Simple, non-threatening design is great for novices
• Large usable surface area makes it versatile
• Easy to clean
• Magnetic charger attachment is easy and fun to use
• Phthalate-free silicone is safe for direct use on the skin

Disadvantages

• Pricey
• Buttons feel stiff
• Vibrations are slightly loud and shuddery

We so-called Western women have many common sexual problems. Some of us cannot manage penetration, or genital touch for that matter; some of us don’t know that it is quite normal not to have vaginal orgasms and spend their lives frustratedly working at it; some of us have bad relationships and do not relax enough to orgasm; yet others have not specialized the correct stimulation necessary or dare not go for it and buy themselves a vibrator. Most of us have some level or periods of low desire.

And then there are those millions of sisters, mostly in Africa and the Arabian peninsula, who have had their genitals purposefully mutilated based on a tradition of fear. I’d hate to ruin a good orgasm for anybody, but those of us who are privileged enough to worry about boosting our desire because we cannot find the time or energy to experience chains of orgasms like once, should take the time to understand and contribute a voice against  female genital mutilation (FGM).

It is not just another marginal phenomenon deserving cultural understanding. This previously unspoken tradition mutilates, infects and tortures millions of female babies and girls every year. Some do not survive the challenge of overcoming infection in horribly unsanitary conditions. And for what? Because it is said to be the proper way to bring up a girl. So that they won’t grow up to be licentious like us terrible, sexualized, Western women. Ugh.

An amazing group of people based in Las Vegas, working through the organization, Clitoraid,  have gone ahead and organized International Clitoris Week. When? Right now – the 5th through the 12th May. Are you feeling it?

Sure, there is a growing movement of individuals, physicians, women’s health activists and caring individuals who have been speaking out and raising awareness about FGM. Clitoraid is going the whole nine yards and funding surgical crews in Africa who are repairing clitorises and restoring some sexual health to the fraction of women who they manage to reach. Hopefully their message will be excising some of the fear from the communities so adamant to keep women below their intrinsic potential.

Clitoraid is currently building a hospital, being called the Pleasure Hospital, in Burkina Faso. This is a good time to mention that they will be more than happy to accept donations  to complete the hospital and continue their heroic work. Because anyone who knows good sex knows that giving an orgasm can be as enjoyable as getting one.

Aloe vera is a cactus-like plant which has been known for thousands of years as a herbal medicine. It is often used in cosmetics, but can just as easily be squeezed straight out of a brunch and used to sooth a burn (its great for sunburn) or relieve a chafed nose. It is thought to have anti-bacterial and anti-fungal properties.

Aloe vera juice, along with the other main ingredient Leaf Juice, would be closest to a water base, with a bunch of natural healing elements. Aloe Cadabra takes this base and adds some Vitamin E oil which provides extra smoothness and healing properties and Organic Vanilla Oil. There is not enough oil to turn it oily or to make the lube incompatible with condoms because full oil-based lubricants can weaken latex and cause it to tear.

Aloe Cadabra is defined as “95% Organic Aloe” so it is not clear to the buyer which 5% is not organic, but we can assume that it is the other additions (Xanthan Gum, Citric Acid, Sodium Benzoate or Potassium Sorbate). Compared with the contents of most lubricants on the market, this list is short and the products are relatively natural. It is a good choice for a person who uses organic and natural products whenever possible.

This is a woman’s lubricant foremost. It is gentle on the vagina and vulva and avoids many of the long list of chemicals that some of the lubricant companies include so generously. The price for being such a relatively naked lube is that it tends to dry up with easy when used externally. That means that for use externally on a man, it has its limitations. When spread on the penis for masturbation, it spreads easily (the gel texture makes it easy to apply without dripping) and it feels wonderful and smooth, but will dry up quicker than most of the good lubes, meaning you either have to work fast or reapply. For internal use, it seems to keep wet longer but when it does dry up it leaves a remnant layer, unlike a good, fluid lubricant.

The container is well designed. It has a pop-up lid so it can easily be accessed with one hand, and it stands on its head so no need to start milking the bottle to get to the last drops, when you need them at a moment’s notice. The bottle comes sealed so you know your product is full and sanitary.

The Natural Aloe Cadabra Unscented contains a small amount of Vanilla oil but it is not noticeable in smell or taste. This is practically neutral which are great characteristics for a simple lube. For those who enjoy added taste and smell, there are very exciting flavours – Peppermint Tingle, Tahitian Vanilla, Pina Colada and French Lavender – are each in their own way delicious and transport you into a tropical scene. They are good for people who like to add taste to oral sex, and they will very much over-power the natural scent and flavour, for better or for worse.

Features

• Aloe vera based lubricant
• Thin gel consistency
• 95% Organic
• Comes in a pop-lid tube
• Contains vitamin E oil and vanilla oil
• Contains: 75 ml (2.5oz.)
• Also comes in 4 tastes: Peppermint Tingle, Tahitian Vanilla, Pina Colada and French Lavender
• Glycerin-free
• pH balanced
• Sugar- and sweetener-free
• Paraben-free
• Vegan
• Condom compatible

Advantages

• Smooth
• Good for sensitive skin
• Gel consistency is easy to apply
• Easy access container
• Tasteless and practically smell-free
• Good for oral sex
• Easy to wash up
• Does not leave stains
• Non-sticky

Disadvantages

• Dries up quickly, especially externally
• Does not reactive with water
• May be too thick for anal sex

The narrower, slighter end that is intended for insertion into the vagina, is designed to be sleek enough to allow penetration during use. Be careful though, it may not be comfortable for everyone, especially if there is already tightness in the area during regular penetration. Even so, it can easy be manipulated during intercourse for doubles play. You can place one end on the clitoris and the other end around the testicle area, or he can use it on the testes and perineum. These can offer some of the most intense physical sensations that two people and a little machine can all have at the same time.

The little purple vibe can be used hands-free in certain instances, but because the vibrations tend to make it travel, it feels best when held in place, by a hand, against some surface or – best of all – against someone else’s body.

The joy of the We-Vibe is the crazy shape and versatility that allows great possibilities by providing a hundred different angles. It cannot be stretched into a flat toy (180°) and I wouldn’t be too rough with it; just remember that this is a top of the range instrument and the mechanisms can be broken if, in the height of passion, you push and pull too much. Under normal circumstances, though, it can move and twist quite impressively, so you can lie back and let it do the acrobatics.

I should mention a few words about setting it up: before using it, you need to charge the device. An initial examination will leave you confused because there appears to be no hole into which you’d fit the charger prong. Fear not, just trust the brilliance of silicone. There is a hole on one end which is completely covered by the silicone exterior, such that it is entirely invisible and out of harm’s way when the charger is disconnected. When you thrust the charger prong into the hole, the silicone stretches but does not tear, no matter how petrified you are that this act will destroy your expensive, brand new toy.

Don’t try to understand it, just accept it as a modern miracle and let it soak up the energy it needs to keep buzzing for endless hours. The power button, too, is located under the silicone covering. This sophisticated element makes the toy smooth and safe to use in every direction without limitation.

Features

•  Designed for simultaneous clitoral and shallow vaginal stimulation
•  Deep purple colour
•  Made of silicone
•  Two speeds
•  Waterproof
•  Comes with stylish and discrete case
•  Length: 77mm (3.1”), when curled
•  Electrically charged

Advantages

•  Great shape for all-over genital massage
•  Discreet
•  Easy to clean
•  Silicone is safe for direct use on the skin
•  Almost silent
•  Light weight

Disadvantages

•  Not suitable for deep insertion
•  Costly

Photo courtesy of Arashi Young

Swinging, also called partner swapping, is actually considered one of the more conservative alleys of expression for open relationships. It allows couples to have some level of sexual outlet outside of their relationship, without wondering too far or doing it deceitfully. The basic unit of participation is a couple, so being part of an existing duo is essential to being part of the club. In other words, singles do not participate; this would constitute an open sexual club other than swinging.

It is usually a very discreet way of life, that continues over time with a specific set of couples. This could mean just two couples or more and it can include a wide range of boundaries between couples and within them.

It is important to understand that swinging is not meant to be a sexual episode but a lifestyle for couples who create trust between them in a similar way that individuals do. In order to do so, groups or clubs are formed, so stability and privacy can be expected. The world of swinging, very much like many other sexual and erotic lifestyle, has been greatly served by the internet, which has allowed practitioners to locate each other with ease, something that needed to be done by discreet word of mouth before online communication existed.

There are various acknowledged styles of swinging, which allow for different levels of sexual exposure and availability. A group could stick to one style or “progress” to more sexual openness, depending on the aims of the participants, and sometimes on the increasing closeness. It is important to remember that more openness between couples introduces issues of jealousy and other natural emotional complications which cannot be ignored.

Soft

Soft swingers are the most conservative version of swinging. Couples will engage only among themselves, but they will do it in the presence of other couples. Although there is no contact between couples, this gives participants the sense of being public and being voyeurs. Some people do not consider this “real” swinging.

Swapping

Swappers are another style whereby they switch between couples and go off into private rooms. Participants may be turned on by the privacy they are given by their partner as well as by the fantasy of what may be happening between their partner and another person.

Open

Open swingers are those that have sex after interchanging between couples, but they purposefully do so in full view. This provides both the sexual variety along with the pleasure or sweet pain of seeing their partner with others or having their partner watch them.

Although groups and swinging couples tend to keep private and therefore information on the phenomenon of swinging is difficult to come by, anecdotal information suggests that singing is more popular among veteran couples and members tend to be in their 40′s and 50′s.

It is common for swingers to explore their sexuality with members of their own sex. This usually happens between women while the men watch. Male-on-male sex is unusual, teaching us that the openness does not swing both ways.

Funderwear is the latest version of a not-so-new idea to control one’s partner’s vibrator from afar: vibrating electrodes placed in his and her underwear that are controlled by the partner’s cell phone. A whole new level of safe sex – giving each other orgasms when you’re on opposite sides of the world. The theory is great, but the practice is about as awkward as two virgins trying to wear their first condom.

Can sex really be deconstructed to 6 points in each other’s underwear (more for women, because we get to be buzzed in the bra area too)? “Well, that spot isn’t doing it for me, perhaps one inch over, honey”. If only our erotic senses were that crude, we’d all be home orgasming all day long.

Vibrating underwear has been around for years. Granted, the interactive angle on the Funderwear is edgier. But let’s be honest, imprecise vibrating that is not steered by the recipient is likely to be not much more than titillating and highly entertaining for one night. This is the reason that vibrators come in a thousand shapes, textures and functions; they need to find the exact spot, follow it as it moves ever so slightly and give it the correct measure of stimulation at any given moment. Who could possibly know how to do it correctly but the person who is feeling it.

So here’s a thought from the resident sex educator: instead of accessing fancy, expensive technology to do remote sexual guesswork on your partner, why not each buy yourselves a sex toy that works for you, and use it in tandem while watching each other on Skype. Call me a techie-phobe, call me a party pooper. It just seems to make more sense to spend your well-earned money on something you’ll use more than once.

And speaking of reusing, will those electrified underpants need a gentle cycle or dry cleaning after delivering their long-distance pleasure ride? Or perhaps, the ultimate plan is to wear a condom underneath to keep things clean. An ironic reminder that behind all this is a brand that we used to take seriously.

Vela is the large-sized member of the series (12cm or 4.75” long). Even though there is another version, the Ceres, which is slightly longer (13.25cm, 5.25”) the Vela is wider at its most girthy point (4.5cm or 1.75”, compared with the Ceres which is 3.75cm or 1.5”).

The Key Vela is a beautiful looking device. The handle, which is subtly curved for comfortable grip and easy access to the control button, is made of glass-like coloured plastic. The handle is coloured to match the respective colour of the silicone that covers the large body of the vibrator – be it turquoise, pink or lavender.

The body is covered on the one hand with smooth, sensual silicone, and on the other hand has gentle ripples that add effect when rubbed along the skin. Altogether, despite the bulk brought on by the relatively wide and long shaft and the obvious colours, the Vela has a gentle charm which makes it unassuming.

My biggest complaint is with the need for 4 batteries. This is not great for the environment and even thought they are small (AAA-sized), it adds weight to the vibrator which becomes more obvious when used externally and the weight is carried by the wrist.

On the other hand, this is a very powerful machine. The power comes out in 7 different patterns to keep the play interesting. All that is missing is a gentle mode of use. As with other strong vibrators, the trick to orchestrating more subtle play, if you feel the need, is using it indirectly – through underwear or placed further away from the hotspots. Of course, this is good when it comes to external (clitoral) use but is not practical for internal use. So if you prefer gentle, best to try something else.

An unusual pleasure in such a hard working machine is how it remains so quiet. A sign of quality. Waterproofing is another quality that gives you extra options because you can use it not only to work up a sweat, but also while cleaning the sweat off.

Features

• Large vibrator
• Designed for vaginal penetration
• Silicone covering with hard
• Stimulating wave pattern on surface
• 7 patterns of vibration
• Ergonomic glass-like grip
• Single control button
• Length: 120 mm (4.75”)
• Comes in 3 colours: turquoise, lavender and pink
• Waterproof
• Phthalate-free
• Lint-free bag included
• Uses 4 AAA batteries (not included)

Advantages

• Stylish look
• Very luxurious silicone feel
• Powerful
• Quiet even at most powerful
• Waves on surface for great traction
• Beautifully packaged

Disadvantages

• Moderately high priced for a battery operated vibrator
• Uses 4 batteries
• Tends to get slightly heavy

Do It in the Dark

Call yourself an environmentalist and then you actually get credit for turning off the lights. If you don’t have a partner (because not all earthlings need to be paired off), you can find a green sex toy or just use the two that you were born with (your hands! But wash them first if they’re literally green).

Generate Clean Energy

Switch off those heaters and warm yourself up like the folks did in the caves. I mean with sex, but you can also grow out that body hair if it turns your other half on.

Recycle Your Best Moves

Think back to before you got bogged down with life and old habits. Remember what got you turned on, inspired, stimulated and sensationally satisfied. Make the effort you once made and you’re likely to discover that recycling can be outstanding.

Hug a Tree

Start off by planting a tree. When everyone else makes you crazy, your tree will always be there for that hug, no questions asked. Trees hug back with shade and oxygen and when they’re big and strong, some young lovers can carve their initials (or sit underneath and flirt text each other). As long as you don’t waste paper.

Eat Sex-Improving Food

Treat yourself and your partner to a libido-strengthening and sex sustaining meal of plant-based foods. Vegetables, grains and seeds leave you feeling light, slim and empowered for stronger sexual performance. Selected fruits are the cheapest and healthiest aphrodisiacs around. More on this

Comprising a total of 5 inches (12.5cm), it is slim and short enough to pop in your handbag; there will even be space for the little charger if you are especially ambitious. The modest stature means that this is meant for clitoral use, possibly also shallow penetration. This is not designed for internal use, it simply does not have the proportions. That’s because when a girl knows she’s looking for a clitoral buzz, there’s no point in carrying and storing the extra cargo.

The wider of the two ends is designed for holding onto. The ergonometric shape makes your grip very comfortable, and the half aluminium/half silicone handle is easy to manipulate and slip-resistant, quite important when you’ve found the perfect spot and dare not lose it!

The vibrating end is silky-feel silicone, which feels pleasant like skin and is easy to wash and keep hygienic, however it tends to pick up lots of dust when left lying around, even for just a few minutes, or perhaps it just shows dust because of the black colour. In any case, so you may find you’ll want to rinse it immediately before use, even if you know it was cleaned after last use. The good thing is that washing the Vanta is no hassle since it is waterproof.

The vibrating side has a relatively narrow end, with a slight curve. You can use it to seek out your G-spot, but the curve is otherwise just as useful for comfortable clitoral reach.

There are 5 speeds, from gentle-but-not-too-easy, to ba-da-boom! They are accessed with one button, which is also the on-off button. Switching off demands a long press, so it takes about 3 seconds. Having one button, though, makes it really easy to use without looking. The button is easy to locate as it protrudes, and also has a pink surrounding light when working.

Another great characteristic of a good vibrator is its discretion when at work. Vanta is relatively quiet, as would be expected of a high-end machine.

The final touches add yet another drop of finesse. It comes with a cute, but quite big vanity bag of 200mm(7.9”) x 120mm(4.7”) x 80mm(3.2”) for safe keeping and travel. It looks like just another make-up kit, so it doesn’t draw any undue attention, if that is a concern, except for the name “Vida” on the front, but it remains to be seen if that will become a known brand and therefore a give-away clue. This is the same bag that serves various other toys in the series, the others being larger. Inside the bag are the charger, a safe-keeping foam bed and a more discreet, elegant, black tie-up purse.

The Vanta is part of the new Vida collection of stylish, rechargeable vibrators that are at once ecologically-friendly and charming. Of course, rechargeable toys save on battery use, so you won’t have any conscience about placing heavy metals in landfills for your pleasure. Now all you need is a wind turbine and you’ll be assured the greenest and most plentiful orgasms.

Features

•  Silicone and aluminium material
•  Black colour with pink trim and light
•  Designed for clitoral and labial stimulation
•  Five vibration speeds
•  Includes faux leather vanity tote and tie-up storage purse
•  Rechargeable motor provides 2 hours of use
•  Full use needs 2 hours of charging
•  Waterproof
•  Total length: 125mm (5”)
•  Weight: 115g

Advantages

•  Attractive design
•  Discreet
•  Relatively quiet
•  Wide range of speeds
•  Easy to hold and change speeds
•  Waterproofing makes it versatile and easy to clean
•  Can be used for G-spot play
•  Phthalate-free, silicone and aluminium is safe for direct use on the skin
•  Very few vibrations on hands even at highest speed
•  Electrical charge is environmentally-friendlier than battery power

Disadvantages

•  No range of patterns, only different speeds
•  Single button for on-off and speeds takes a few seconds to switch off
•  Not intended for deep penetration