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Male Sexuality

Ask Dinah your question

I am a 28 yr old male, I love anal sex but my GF doesn't. what do i do?

Dinah answers: You cannot seriously expect any tips on how to get her to agree. Its a choice of sexual taste and one that she shouldn’t have to make if it doesn’t feel good for her, so don’t put her in that situation where she feels pressure to agree. If it is an act that you will not live without, then find a partner who likes it. Otherwise consider buying a sex toy that provides a similar sensation or just get used to forms of sex that you a she both enjoy.

I've been with my boyfriend for about three months. We both were virgins when we started having sex. We started having sex about three weeks ago and every time we have sex, no matter how long we have sex) he can not cum while inside me. He can cum when jacking off but not when having sex. He says at first it feels good when inside for the first minute but after that he doesn't feel anything. We can have sex for hours and he never cums when inside of me. Please we need help with this.

Dinah answers: If your guy is capable of having orgasms on his own, then we know that the machinery is working. The issue of reaching orgasm inside you is either a physical, a psychological or a relationship one. In any case, he appears to have a problem with his level of stimulation. Either he is losing interest or concentration (which he would probably be aware of) or he is used to a high level of pressure for him to come, which is a habit from masturbation. You need to speak about this honestly, even if it is awkward. I would suggest that you don’t keep going for hours because it will just hurt both of you and cause frustration. When either one of you starts feeling the enjoyment decrease, you should gently ask to stop, and move to another sexual act. Try having him masturbate in front of you, and you can do the same thing in parallel. Then you can give him a handjob and start to alternate different positions and different forms of sex (such as hand, oral, vaginal) to see if he feels more and if it advances his ability to reach orgasm with you.

My husband recently has not been able to achieve a satisfying feeling when he reaches an orgasm. He is able to reach orgasm and ejaculates, but feels no pleasure. This started recently,he has not had any issues before. what could it be?

Dinah answers: The lowered sense of pleasure could have psychological roots (such as stress, distraction, guilt) or physiological causes, perhaps with the nerves in the area. In any case, we really should not be playing guessing games because it could be a sign of medical problems. You should get his examined by a urologist who will be able to check if there is something medical, or send him in the right direction for further tests. I wouldn’t ignore it, as tempting as it may be.

Do you know with your expertise what a nylon sock can do for a penis...? I've been told in some sort of way it can help with premature ejaculation....? Do you know of this or anything?

Dinah answers: Anything that reduced the sensation on the penis can help with premature ejaculation, but why not use a condom? Sure, a stocking could work for you (unless you have a stocking fetish), but it would be awful for your partner. Apart from the fact that nylon stockings, even straight out of the bag, cannot be clean or free of chemicals and that is going straight into her vagina. Secondly, the texture will scour the fine lining of her vaginal membrane. Condoms are clean and smooth, and you have many options as far as their thickness and other textural elements which may allow her enjoy it. Most important, reducing your sensation is a quick trick for premature ejaculation but real treatment of this problem – assuming you consider it a problem – involves retaining normal levels of sensation and slowly teaching yourself to handle it.

i am 30 years old men I am married but my wife is not satisfied during the intercourse because of she told my penis very shot so she cannot get orgasm my penis only 3inch how i can solve this problem pls help me

Dinah answers: Although having a small penis can mean that your wife doesn’t get a great amount of pleasure during penetrative sex, giving her an orgasm is more about clitoral stimulation. You can read more about clitoral orgasm. This does not mean that intercourse has to be bad for her forever more. During intercourse you should stimulate her clitoris or allow her to do it to herself, either by hand or using a small vibrator.

Is it okay to eat and swallow virginal fluids-at least healthy smelling virginal fluids? I have done it in the past and wanted to spread the word especially after i got plenty of relief from after swallowing it when I had sore throat. Please can you send me additional information on this subject?

Dinah answers: Vaginal fluid, which is what I assume you are referring to, is safe to swallow, and most will agree that it is also alluring and a huge turn on. Having said that, the taste of a woman who one really likes or loves and to whom someone is very much attracted is likely to taste much better than a partner where the attraction is missing. All the senses are involved in the chemistry of love and sex. It is also true that taste changes at different parts of a woman’s cycle, so don’t judge her based on a single sample. Taste can also change when a woman has an infection, not just an STD but common changes like yeast infection too. I recommend that you read more about Vaginal Fluid Taste and about Nutrition and Taste, and while you’re at it, compare notes on the taste of men.

 

My partner and i have good sex but he comes so fast I don't know how to take this sometimes I feel like I'm doing something wrong as soon as he put it in mintues later it over what's could that mean?

Dinah answers: You feel that you may be doing something wrong, and he probably thinks he is doing something wrong. Stop blaming yourself and speak to him about it. But be constructive and try let him know how you feel, It could be a great opener to this conversation. Ask him how he feels about the sex (and don’t forget to let him know that you enjoy it). Maybe the length of sex is satisfying for him, in whihc case you would need to work on increasing the foreplay time, and also perhaps trying to extend it for your sake. If he feels anxious about it, let him know that a couple of minutes is not unusual; some men can hold out longer but many men have a similar capability, especially when they are youngers. There are some quick tips, like using condoms (extra strength if you already use) to desensitize him. There are some desensitizing creams, but I prefer not to mess ith chemicals that are then entered and absorbed in your body. Best of all are exercises that you do, both him on his own while masturbating and together as a couple, starting and stopping as he gets close to orgasm. Read more about the subject here

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost five years now. He says that during intercourse his penis becomes hard but afterwards, the hardness stops. Does that mean that there is some kind of blockage or he isn't having an orgasm?

Dinah answers: You need to ask him some questions to clarify a few things here. After 5 years, I hope that you are comfortable discussing what is really going on, and if not, now is the time to change that. Is he ejaculating before he gets soft? It is normal for him to get soft soon after he ejaculates and orgasms. You should be able to notice when he ejaculates, maybe not at the time if he is quiet, but afterwards because of the semen inside you or in the condom. If he is having orgasms without ejaculation, which could happen if he has a blockage or a few other conditions, he should be able to feel the pleasure of orgasm. If this is the case, he should discuss it with a doctor. Or is he getting soft while inside you? If he is getting soft while trying to reach orgasm, he needs to increase the stimulation that he is feeling. Perhaps when he feels the sensation going down, he can withdraw and masturbate a bit (or you can do something to excite him) and then you can go back to intercourse. This is something you can also work on together by masturbating together and learning about his and your control and thresholds. A sex therapist can also be helpful to explain what other exercises can help to him specifically, but also to verify if the source is physical or mental. Perhaps there is a problem in the relationship or a personal worry or guilt that is keeping him distracted.

When I ejaculate, the sperm does not come out, it feels when I ejaculate like the sperm is being blocked a little before the tip. I have to kind of squeeze it out. As I lose my erection the sperm comes out. I also have a blue vein (bump) right at the tip of my penis.

Dinah answers: Let’s just clarify the terms: it seems you are describing having an orgasm without ejaculation, or perhaps the orgasm being held up because there is some blockage stopping the semen from flowing out, and leaving you frustrated. In any case this sounds like something that can easily be straightened out. A doctor, preferably a urologist, needs to examine you and find the exact cause of the blockage. It is preferable not to delay it. Why miss out on the great sensations that wait for you after some simple procedure. Good luck.

my penis does not get erect even when my wife kisses it. So i am unable 2 have sex. What should i do? It is of very small size, 1 inch only.

Dinah answers: In some circumstances it is alright to have a penis that is 1 inch when it is not erect. Men with smaller un-erect penises tend to expand more when they fill up with blood. On the other hand, a small penis may be related to your natural testosterone levels, in which case you may need some testosterone therapy. Not being able to have an erection even when you are turned on (I assume this is the case when your wife touches and kisses you) is something you should check up with a doctor who specializes in this area. You can visit a urologist or if you do not have access to a specialist, speak to your family doctor or visit a fertility clinic with your wife. In the meantime, don’t think that your partner and you cannot have sex because of this problem. You can continue to enjoy each others’ touch and she can have orgasms from external (clitoral) stimulation. You can even try using a vibrator together.

What does it mean when a man ejaculates with a semi hard on?

Dinah answers: It could mean that you are highly aroused and although your penis hasn’t even managed to fill up with blood, the sensation is enough (or your threshold low enough) to push you over the edge. On the other hand, a guy experiencing erectile dysfunction, who isn’t able to achieve an orgasm some or all of the time, may still be able to ejaculate if he continues to receive sufficient stimulation, and that is a lucky break for him. So all in all, having erectile problems or lack of ejaculatory control isn’t necessarily something you would want to ignore, especially if it starts to be the norm rather than the exception, but while it is happening, its good to know that you can still reach orgasm.

i am a male who 5 years back i think was sucked on my dick or 2-4 secs by a man. im straight and regrets the incident. i feel guilty and now i have testicle pain and abdomen pain. what do you think of it? went to docs and they prescribed some antibiotics.

Dinah answers: you have described a very brief event, a long time ago. Yes, there is some risk of infection, but it would be almost negligible, especially if neither partner ejaculated or pre-ejaculated. What is most likely here, is that you are suffering from guilt. Abdominal pain is often brought on by psychological distress. You need to come to terms with this incident. Many straight guys have one or two sexual experiences involving other males. It doesn’t mean that you are gay, but if it is troubling you so much, maybe there is something there to work through: either questions of sexual orientation or issues of sexual guilt which might be too uptight. You might want to speak to a therapist instead of attempting to figure it out alone. When it comes to such deeply entrenched attitudes and something that is harsh enough to be causing physical symptoms, a therapist can help to figure it out and restore your peace of mind sooner and more honestly.

my boyfriend had dried white stuff around his penis and under the skin, is it another womans come or semen?

Dinah answers: There are a hundred possible explanations, from some cream he used to masturbate or moisturize, to white discharge, to residual washing powder from his underwear. And of course, it could be dried semen, but whose to say if its from masturbation or intercourse? Don’t try guessing. You need to ask him openly without accusing him. Just remember that he may be hiding the reason because he is too embarrassed to tell you he’s been masturbating or using your cream. Having said that, if you have a real suspicion that he has been having sex with someone else, or that he may have some STD, even if it was contracted a long time ago, you should not have sex without a condom until you have cleared up the mystery.

I started the habit of masturbating at the age 11 am still doing it, now am 21, I had sex with my ex-girlfriend 5 to 6 times one year ago and ejaculated around 20 times inside her vagina with out condom but she dint get pregnant, she used to wash her genitals every time i ejaculate inside her. She would wash within 10-20 minutes. Now am worried whether i can make a woman pregnant in my future. Am having lengthy outer skin which prevents my 6-1/2 inch penis to come out but i have satisfied my ex more times than i ejaculate. This is my history. I have multiple questions, 1. Whether i can make a woman pregnant? (doubt aroused mainly becoz my ex didnt get pregnant) 2. Whether i can satisfy my future wife in spite of this long outer skin? 3. Am also ejaculating at night becoz of dreams thrice in a week, Will This cause any problem in my future? 4. Will i have sexual desire and pleasure until the age of 45?

Dinah answers: You cannot know from a history of 5-6 sexual encounters (even if there were many ejaculations each time) anything about your fertility. There are many reasons why a couple can have unprotected sex and not get pregnant. Perhaps you were having sex on days that weren’t her most fertile days, or maybe she has some fertility challenges. In any case, trying to get pregnant takes many attempts over many months, at least for most couples and you cannot assume fertility problems after such a few attempts. One thing I can say for sure is that cleaning her genitals after sex definitely would not prevent conception. If anything, it might cause irritation. Having a long outer skin should have no negative effect on providing sexual pleasure. If you were to remove this skin but operation, you would only make the surface area of your penis smaller. Some people say that circumcised penises, where the outer skin is mostly removed, are more attractive to women but this is not necessarily true. This is a cultural issue and in countries were most men are not circumcised, this is what women are used to seeing. The outer layer, if anything, just increases your sexual sensation, and your pleasure is also part of your partner’s pleasure. Night ejaculations are completely healthy. They occur because your body does not have enough sexual outlet for your level of arousal. By masturbating to orgasm before you go to sleep, you will probably stop this from happening in your sleep. Even if you do nothing, it will pass as you get older. I don’t know why age 45 is of any significance, but with a healthy diet and lifestyle, if you stay clean of STDs and learn to appreciate sex as a sensual and emotional experience, there is no reason that you should not enjoy healthy sexual desire and pleasure for as long as your body and mind are functional.

I am a 37 year old male. I met a woman I want to marry. I never had any vaginal sex before meeting her. I have been using hand masturbation all this time. My biggest problem is i cannot cum inside her. We tried 4 times and failed. I am very afraid that i may not have a 'normal' sexual experience. What should I do? please help. BTW, i am very healthy and in great physical shape. I run marathons twice year.

Dinah answers: After many years of masturbation without intercourse, it is quite likely that your body has learned a very specific pattern of stimulation and orgasm. If you manage to orgasm without problems by hand, then there should be no problem learning to orgasm during penetration. You just need to give it time and practice, and of course to relax and enjoy the feeling without pressure. The amount of pressure that your hand provides is usually significantly greater than the tightness of a vagina. So you need to readjust your expectations of what the sensation on your penis feels like, and to begin enjoying the soft, warmth of the vagina. Anxiety can be a real show stopper, so don’t put too much pressure on yourself and speak to your partner about your situation. I am sure that she will be supportive and happy to just enjoy the process of learning to enjoy couple sex for the first time. In fact, I think she will love you even more for making her feel so special that she is the first one for you. Of course, sex isn’t only about your orgasm, so spend some time discovering her pleasure spots too. This is best done by hand or mouth, so you can build up other sexual skills to provide her with pleasure during the weeks or months that it may take to reteach your body to enjoy this “new” pleasure. By the way, you can combine penetration with masturbation. Try penetrating, and if you start getting soft before managing or if you lose your erection inside her, return to masturbation until you are hard again, and try again. Good luck!

Does it mean anything if he cums too fast? My boyfriend has always come after 5 minutes. It's like it's his first time every time we do it. What does this mean?

Dinah answers: Five minutes might seem very fast for you and/or for your boyfriend, but it is not necessarily too quick for all couples and it is certainly not a measure of premature ejaculation. Everybody has their way of having sex. Sure, it would be great if he could learn some control so that he can try to extend the sex when both of you want it, but this can take time and practice. It could also help if he ejaculates before having sex, or if you have a second round after the first quicker one, when you can both be more relaxed.

if my girlfriend holds my cock or touches it, I orgasm very soon. how can i control it? i am doing daily masturbation and im afraid because i love having a girlfriend do a handjob. im 27 years old and right now i have no girlfriend but im worried about the future.

Dinah answers: Some guys orgasm quicker than others, but when you orgasm so quickly that you are unable to properly enjoy the sexual feeling, and you cannot control yourself, at least for a while, then you could be what is known as a “premature ejaculator”. There are exercises that you should do to train yourself to stop just before you lose control. It may be helpful that you have no girlfriend at this point, because it will allow you to practice while masturbating, without pressure. If you have problems again when you next have a girlfriend, don’t worry, just let her know that you have this issue and are working on it.

i had sex with my new girl friend using condom but my penis started to get softer at the time i wanted to penetrate. it was a disappointing situation. but with my former girlfriend i was hard enough to drive her in bed. what went wrong?

Dinah answers: It is very possibly that you were a bit nervous, what some people call having “performance anxiety”. Sex with a new partner brings on a lot of different feelings, expectations, worries and needs and sometimes it gets in the way of your sexual process. Try another few times, but take lots of time to enjoy each others’ bodies and to stimulate her before trying to penetrate. If the erection problem continues, you can discuss it with a doctor but it is most likely something that will pass on its own. It is quite normal for a guy to have erectile problems from time to time, this when it happens constantly it may be a sign of another problem.

i was wondering if a man can run out of sperm if he started having sex at an early age??

Dinah answers: You never run out of sperm. As soon as a guy ejaculates, new fresh sperm is produced to replace it.

i am a 22 year old girl and i did hand jobs on mt bf's penis this weekend and i made him ejaculate more than eight times. can this affect his sexuality or health?

Dinah answers: Young guys are able to ejaculate many times in a day if the stimulation and drive are there. There is nothing dangerous or unusual about this. The only issues could be some chafing from all that rubbing, and possibly the need to sleep long and hard because of all the energy his body will consume in replacing the semen. Otherwise, he should be perfectly healthy and presumably, happy too.

I always appreciate your cooperation and dedication to people. This is my very personal question, please guide me. During oral sex some time my tongue touch with anal hole of my life partner and she was repeatedly aroused and she likes this action regularly. Please guide me if this is harmful, then I can totally stop.

Dinah answers: The act of rimming, which you have described, is something that many people choose to do because it can be very pleasurable. The area around the anus is filled with nerve endings, so touching or licking can feel very sensual. Whether or not it is harmful, depends on the hygiene of both of you. Both oral hygiene and anal. Just keep clean and check that neither of you have an STI, and then you can go ahead if it pleases you.

i got a wet dream about my mom and sister and am fasting for sabari mala too. I'm feeling too guilty .. i've not even thought of them like that. what to do?

Dinah answers: Our dreams and fantasies can take us to places that our conscious mind and our behaviour would never go. Sure, it can leave you feeling very awkward and more than a bit grossed out, but it DOES NOT mean that you want to have sex with them, it is simply that you are dreaming of sex, which is quite normal and healthy, and you also had thoughts about them, or something that they represent. I am sure that there will be many more sexual dreams in the future, whether you want them or not. There is nothing you can do to stop sexual dreams, just like you cannot stop a thought by trying. I wish you dreams about individuals that are more suited to your sexual and romantic taste.

I have a question me and my girlfriend have been going out for a year and we have sex regularly (2-3 times a week) and we have always used condoms but now she has gotten on birthcontrol (nuvaring) so we decided that we are going to have sex without a condom. (we are both clean we have gotten tested) We have had sex twice before in the past and when we do for some reason I get really cold I don't know why? I will be there with a jacket on and she will be lying there naked and I don't understand it. And when we have sex I last for only 10-15 mins without a condom on but with one I last 30-40 mins. I know it has something to do with sensitivity but is there something that I can't do to help me last longer? And I was wondering if u could tell me why I get really cold before sex without a condom? I am 18 years old by the way

Dinah answers: Lasting 10-15 minutes is actually pretty long, at your age. Most guys in their early twenties and before come very easily. This gets longer with age, for many reasons: experience, sensation, nervousness and your body’s sexual response capability. If you want sex to last longer, concentrate on the “foreplay” and spend more time touching and feeling each other before penetration. Getting cold could also be caused by various things. It could be psychological or physical. If it happens only during sex, it is probably more psychological; if you have it at other times too, you may have low blood pressure or blood circulation problems, and should speak to your family physician when you next see her or him.

If a man performs oral sex on a woman a lot, can he absorb estrogen or other female hormones from her? If so, what affect can this have on the male?

Dinah answers: A man does not ingest any female hormones from oral sex or through contact with a woman’s secretions. The only way that he can be affected is if the woman applies hormonal cream – vaginally or elsewhere – and he comes in contact with this medication before it is fully absorbed or washed off. If a man does happen to ingest or absorb female hormone (estrogen/estriol ) he can eventually have some kinds of feminization, which could include increase in weight, enlargement of his breasts, loss of muscle mass, sexual dysfunction, drop in desire as well as risk of cardiovascular disease and prostate cancer. But these are the result of exposure to estrogen in high doses, over a long time.

My wife and myself have been married for one year. This is my 2nd marriage. My wife loves oral sex and I try to please her as possible. She is a healthy lady and there is no sickness in her history. Sometimes I ingest her vaginal juice because she likes it and I also like the taste of vaginal secretion. Please guide me if it is harmless for me or I should avoid doing it regularly.

Dinah answers: Go ahead, do it as much the two of you want. Not only is it normal and pleasurable sexual expression, but many experts believe a woman’s secretion is healthy to ingest. Read more on this in How Good is Vaginal Juice?

I frequently masturbate, and I notice that when I ejaculate I shake a lot. This happens almost every single time I ejaculate lately. I start shaking as I cum, and I can't stop. How can a man keep himself from shaking when he ejaculates?

Dinah answers: There are many different spontaneous actions that occur with orgasm: laughing, crying, shaking, shouting, and a few even more potentially embarrassing. There is nothing dangerous about it. Try not to fight it or it will just affect your pleasure and your will to experience release. Any treatment that you find would be likely to dull your response and reduce the enjoyment you feel. You can explain to a new sexual partner that this is the way that your body reacts and don’t worry – most people have strange responses when they really let go of all inhibition. This is the joy of feeling something so intense.

My husband is having trouble ejaculating during intercourse. He has to pull out and use his hand to ejaculate. He said he has always had this problem but, he does not like it. What does he have to do in order to ejaculate during intercourse without using his hand?

Dinah answers: The problem is either that your husband is not receiving enough pressure from penetration (a physical cause) or that he is psychologically not capable of orgasming without the control of his hand and/or the thoughts that accompany him doing it by hand. He needs to tell you and he probably needs some form of counseling to teach himself to orgasm during intercourse. First you have to figure out what the cause of the problem. In order to do that he has to understand that it is something that you care to work on and correct, and he has to be prepared to do that work. Then you can start trying to fix it, either by psychotherapy and working on the desire he feels, or by sex therapy exercises that teach him and you to work on his arousal and stimulation. There are also various products available – hormones, medications or devices – but you shouldn’t start trying them until you know why it is happening.

i've been dating my girlfriend for a while and we are holding out on sex until marriage but we perform oral sex on each other. (both virgins) currently im overseas due to the military so its months before we can engage in these activities so of course masturbation is the only way to satisfy my needs. i do it about 2 times daily maybe more if something strikes my interest, (such as teasing or talking dirty to her on the phone) but i noticed when i was home for a month every time i received oral, it felt great but i wasn't able to orgasm or ejaculate i would finish myself in front of her. is me masturbating this many times affecting me in this way and creating a habit that will only allow me to ejaculate when im masturbating? and would holding off for a while especially before i come home make me more sensitive so i can finally orgasm? im not ashamed or anything, in fact i love doing it for her

Dinah answers: Two or three times a day, if you can manage it and if you have the time, isn’t a problem. It doesn’t desensitize you, as long as you don’t use excessive force. In fact, being able to masturbate with your partner is a great way of having safe sex together and sharing a strong personal experience with her. I hope that it is done mutually. But masturbating without any other form of sexual sensation can begin to create a habit that you may need to break later. I would say that not being able to orgasm from oral sex could result from many things, some physical and some psychological. If you one day find out that you cannot orgasm from penetrative sex, then you would probably need to speak to a doctor or sex therapist. But for now, you don’t need to assume that you have a problem, it is most likely just that you are used to the feeling of orgasm you yourself can bring on. I would suggest that when you have the chance to be with your girlfriend again, you maximise the opportunity to experience the different sensations of her body on yours – her hand and her mouth. In the meantime, try using and improving your fantasy, thinking about every little detail of being with her, while you are away.

When a man cums very thick and jelly, does that mean he is having more or less sex?

Dinah answers: Don’t try to infer anything about how much sex he is having from the texture of his cum. If you want some kind of measure, you can try to judge the quantity of ejaculate, because a man who has recently ejaculated will tend to have less cum than someone who hasn’t had an ejaculation in a while. But beware of jumping to conclusions because he may have masturbated before in order to have better control when he has sex with you. Changes in the texture could suggest that there is some infection, so if you aren’t using a condom, you should start doing so immediately until both of you get checked for STDs.

i was wondering if you could tel me why it is that sometimes while having sex with my husband he can not ejaculate? he will go for over an hour and keep being close but then he says he cant feel it and the feeling to ejaculate goes away?

Dinah answers: If he is managing to ejaculate after a long time, longer than he would like, then it is most likely one of two reasons: either the problem is mental i.e. he is not as turned on or focused as he needs to be; this could mean, for example, that he is stressed about something or that he is feeling guilty or that he has mixed feelings about you or it is related to attraction. Only he can tell you if it is something like that. The other possibility is that it is a physiological thing; the sensation in the penis area may be low. He could have diabetes or heart disease lurking and weakening the blood flow to his penis. This could be checked out with a urologist or an understanding family physician. It is important to check because his health may be at risk and once you disqualify this, look at the psychological direction.

After masturbation,a while later i feel like a have sperm or somethings still in my penis ..why ??

Dinah answers: Of the millions of sperm that are ejaculated, some are of course left behind along the way, but you wouldn’t be able to feel them. If you are referring to a feeling that you are still aroused or not completely satisfied, you should probably consult a urologist who can check to see whether you have a problem with the nerves or perhaps if there is some sort of blockage in the urethra.

When I get an erection at random times, I know this is normal but sometimes I leave it alone, but as it starts to fade a bit of semen comes out but I haven't touched it at all. Or when it goes soft a little bit of semen come out. Should I be concerned?

Dinah answers: If you are aroused enough during the erection, whether you touch it or not, this could be pre-cum, which is normal. If you notice that it has a strange colour or smell, it is a sign of infection, and then you would need to get it checked out.

I recently lost my virginity while visiting a friend on the east Coast. We had sex 5 or 6 times over the course of 4 days, then never again over the rest of my month long trip. I have since masturbated and not noticed anything but this afternoon I noticed my precum being more lubricating then usual and it looked foamy, like saliva when you spit. I had been going for awhile when I noticed. Did I possibly contract something, or could it just have been because of the length of masturbation time?

Dinah answers: The style or timing of masturbation will not change the texture of your your ejaculate (cum) or your pre-cum. I am not sure that you aren’t confused between the two because pre-cum is usually not sufficient nor thick enough to indicate if there is a problem. In any case, if you are noticing any discharge that is different from usual, it is worth getting tested for a list of STDs (whatever they can test at the local clinic) because this may be a sign of having contracted something. It is probably easily treatable, once your doctor knows what it is. Just don’t ignore it because if it is some infection, it may remain a problem even if the symptoms clear up. Now you know what sex is, get to know SAFE sex, it is simply the only way to stay healthy. Its worthwhile getting used to condoms from the very beginning.

im taking a diet pills recently but since i started taking these pills i found out that some times when i go to the toilet i actually ejaculate without knowing and find lots of load sperm and i really know the different between sperm and pre-sperm and i really dont like to go to the doctor. i actually wont go to the doctor cause i feel really embarrassed to go there

Dinah answers: It is correct that diet pills (appetite suppressants) can cause sexual dysfunction in men, usually this means erection problems. I don’t know where you were informed that they can cause you to ejaculate without knowing, but this is not the case. You need to decide how important it is to take the diet pills, and for how long. In any case, you should not try to live on them, it will be dangerous to your health. I think that you should face your demons as far as seeing a doctor. Of course you may feel embarrassed but if you consult a urologist or a reproductive health expert (at a family planning clinic), you can be assured he or she sees and hears much worse cases every day. You’ll find that the reality of speaking to a professional is not as bad as your imagination. This is what they are there for.

when me and my girl friend have sex some times i last longer then others. like sometimes i last 30 to 40 mins and sometimes i last 10 to 15 and i was wanting to no why this is and is there any thing i can do to make myself last longer and i can last 30 to 40 mins all the time thanks for your time

Dinah answers: One of the main reasons that you can last longer is when you have ejaculated more recently, in other words, if you had sex or masturbated earlier that day, you will probably last longer than if you did so a week ago. It is a physical mechanism. As is being drunk, which could hold off your orgasm, or it could knock your erection away completely. But the reason could also be psychological, it could be brought on by your level of attraction or excitement on the particular day, how turned on you are at the start of the sex. The way to deal with holding on is not to have sex less frequently because you need to stick to the frequency that suits you and your partner best. If you really want to last longer, it is best to learn to control it by thinking in a way that helps you get less excited. I am not sure, however, that this is something that will be helpful to your sexual enjoyment, because being connected to the woman you are with for 10 minutes, should be more enjoyable than being disconnected for 30 minutes. You should know that 10 minutes is not considered quick. In fact, before you start changing your sexual behaviour, you should check with your girlfriend if she would actually like longer penetration. A lot of women would rather have more time spent on external stimulation (their clitoris) and less time on penetration. She may want more, or less, or just as it is sometimes more and sometimes less, but don’t make assumptions from her reactions; let her tell you straight out.

I recently got married and have been enjoying a healthy sex life but I am facing a peculiar problem. Usually people suffer from 'Premature Ejaculation' where they can not last more than 2-3 minutes but I have the opposite problem. I am hard for good 20-25 minutes but even after that I find it difficult to ejaculate with intercourse only and I have to use my hand to ejaculate. Just before ejaculating I try to push my dick into my wife's vagina and cum all I have inside her vagina, I am wondering if that is sufficient to make her pregnant or do I have to ejaculate inside her vagina during intercourse only to make her pregnant.

Dinah answers: While ejaculating inside the vagina is the most efficient way of conceiving, it is by no means necessary. Unless your semen have low motility (movement) or you have a low sperm count, ejaculating at the vaginal entrance or around the vulva can lead to pregnancy too, because her cervical mucus, which is released during arousal and sex, can guide the sperm into her vagina and onwards. You should continue as you are doing, trying to get as much ejaculate as possible into the vagina, even if you do it by hand. You can even ejaculate and spread it in her vagina straight afterwards with your hand. If after 6 or more cycles you have not managed, you can consider trying something more systematic to improve your fertility chances. You may also find that ejaculating inside her starts getting easier with time, as your intimacy grows and you become more comfortable with yourselves and each other.

can u tell me is there any harmful effect of licking womens feet bcoz i see so many men like to lick womens feet very strongly. can u tell me in detail is their any harmful effect on men body or health or any benifits on mens health or does it improve their sexual health?

Dinah answers: A man who gets sexual pleasure or is aroused by licking a woman’s feet is not doing any harm to either himself or his partner, as long as the licking remains just a part of the sexual act and does not become an essential and central part of his sexual experience. A foot fetish is not physically harmful, if you can keep to the habit of licking clean feet; this would be a good way to avoid unnecessary bacteria and fungi being spread. The potential problem is the mental aspect of turning all your sexual energy towards a single act. This is the danger with any fetish. If this happens, your relationship can be damaged because your sex becomes limited, especially for your partner. A partner may also begin to feel objectified – as though you don’t see her as a full person, but as a pair of feet.

There were two times in a week me and my boyfriend had sex, the first one he cummed in me and it was normal, three days later we did it again and his cum was a little foamy... What does this mean?

Dinah answers: Cum, or semen, should be smooth when it is ejaculated, but it can change in texture when it comes in contact with your vaginal fluids, or after being stirred by movement. If you are worried about it, let your partner ejaculate on a clean surface and take a look at the fresh semen. You’ll probably realize that you have nothing to worry about.

I had oral sex at a young age and it felt great. I then got into masturbation for a long time until I first had sex. I felt nothing during that until I came. It has been that way ever since. Did I de-sensitize my penis by masturbating too much? If I stop will it come back? I saw a urologist and he said it looks fine and never heard of my condition. Is it psychological? I need help! I am going friggin crazy. Sex (oral or regular) does not feel good to me until I cum. What did I do? Help me please....Any and ALL info would be great.

Dinah answers: First of all you can’t harm yourself by masturbating unless you use enough force to harm the nerves in the area. This would not happen without feeling a great deal of pain. You certainly cannot harm yourself having enjoyable oral sex. Of course, as you suggest, there may be some psychological component, if this act of oral sex was related to abuse or great shame. If you were very young, whether you agreed to it or not, and whether you protested or not, being drawn into oral or other sex is abusive and can lead to a lot of guilt and this can certainly affect your experience of sex. If this is the case, you should find yourself a therapist who specializes in sexual abuse and begin the process of healing. There may, nevertheless, be a neurological problem, in other words, you could have lowered nerve sensation in parts or all of your penis. If this is indeed the case, there are many possible causes and possible treatments, but you will need to have this checked out by a doctor. Urologists and neurologists are both relevant, but in each case, these specialists rarely have sub-specialized in sexual problems and are sometimes insensitive to all but the most dysfunctional sexual cases. Since you are able able to orgasm, there is obviously some sensitivity there, so you have a good starting point. You may find that your best option is finding a multi-disciplinary sexual health clinic, one that hosts physicians, psychotherapists, physical therapists, social workers and others. Clinics like this are usually hosted at the larger medical centres. Such an integrated clinic can therefore guide you, instead of expecting that you will find the correct direction.

The thing that is bothering me right now is why does my pre-cum appears white when it is dry? it also looks foamy though when dried... I noticed it since I wear black underwear. Is it normal or does it contain sperm??

Dinah answers: Whereas actual ejaculate (cum) is thick and light coloured and tends to leave white stains when it dries on your clothing or sheets, pre-cum is usually almost clear. It comes out in just a few drops at a time, so you wouldn’t expect too much mess. Foamy or thicker discharge could be a sign of an STD. Don’t ignore this; it may be nothing but then it may be some form of sexually transmitted infection, most of which are easily treated and cured. Make a visit to your family doctor or local clinic and get it checked out as soon as possible. In any case, don’t have unsafe sex until you get the medical all-clear. Pre-cum does tend to contain sperm, whether it is white or clear. It can therefore lead to pregnancy as well as STDs.

my husband is 60 and i am 50. we were separated since 2000 and got back together in 2005. he had no sexual relations and tried viagra and a few others. he is an alcoholic and tries to say his non-existing erections are my fault, although i feel it is alcohol and probably untreated high blood pressure. he used to masturbate often, although he never gets erect but does ejaculate. is that a clear sign of ed? he says he has sensation, and lets me do oral sex until he feels he is really getting aroused and then stops me, but i don't believe it. he does get semi-hard once in a great while. he says its me because i left and took our daughter, although i think he does know what to do because i want sex all the time. i haven't pressured him to see a doctor. but i just thought for sure ejaculation without erection was a clear sign.

Dinah answers: It is commendable of you to be so aware of your partner’s physical and mental state. What you have described is certainly not a simple situation, and you are correct – he does need to see a doctor. However, there is some good news too. The erectile dysfunction (erection problems) that he has are probably related to his alcoholism, his blood pressure and his age. Further, all of these put him at risk of heart disease. In this case the erection problems are more of a symptom of what is to come than the main problem. The blaming and avoidance is very typical of his addiction complex, this is something that will need intense therapy, if he would be willing to go through it. I doubt you’ll be lucky in that mission, so I’d focus my energies on getting him to take responsibility for himself and his family and visit a doctor. Try encourage him to do it for the sake of his heart and not for his sexual performance. Regarding his ability to experience orgasm without erection – this is not a bad sign but actually a bit of luck on his part. Of course having a full erection would be better for your sex life and his belief in himself, but as you can tell, it is not necessary for orgasm in some men. If he can enjoy the pleasures of orgasm, let him go ahead and enjoy it when he can. This is not to say that you have to settle for sex as it is. Your orgasms don’t need to be dependent on his penis. Consider asking him to give oral sex, having him bring you to orgasm by hand (clitorally) or using a sex toy together or on your own. You may find that he enjoys sex more when he doesn’t feel pressured to go by the book.

Does a man shake all the time when he's about to cum?

Dinah answers: Different guys have very different responses to their orgasm. Some are quiet and show few outward signs of the feelings they experience, because that is the way they have trained themselves to be from masturbating when others are close by. Other guys make various physical expressions when they are about to cum and as it happens, simply because there is a massive release of tension and all the muscles rhythmically let go of the tightness they have gathered in the build up. A guy who begins to shake before he comes may be trying to hold on to the tension as he feels it is growing and taking him over. This is not the way all men react. You should speak to the man you are referring to and ask him about this. Ask him how it feels at this point, ask him if it is something he controls or not. It should feel good to discuss this and understand it. Remember that people react very individually around their orgasm. No one should be made to feel awkward about their natural expressions, or they will begin to hold themselves back.

Just before sex when I try to put on a condom, sometimes my penis goes down from an erected state, even if the condom fits me or its lubricated enough. Even when I'm having sex the feeling of using a condom has little difference from when I'm not using a condom

Dinah answers: If you don’t mind the sensation of wearing a condom, it seems that the problem is not in the feel of the “rubber”, but in the act of getting it on. The loss of erection is probably because you are getting distracted from your aroused state when you stop and put on the condom. You should practice applying condoms when you’re alone, until you improve your technique and ease with them. You can also ask your partner to help you put it on, so that it feels like part of the foreplay.

I have wet dreams usually, sometimes thrice a week. What is the life of a sperm when it is ejaculated? I usually become worried due to the semen that is in my clothes. Is it possible for the female family members to touch materials that have been contaminated and to become pregnant by the semen?

Dinah answers: Sperm cannot stay alive on clothing or sheets for longer than a few minutes, because when the semen dries up, the sperm cannot survive. You don’t have to worry about family members coming into contact with your laundry. It is natural to have wet dreams and to ejaculate and even if the laundry does not dry quickly, there is no reason that your family members should have any contact with it genitally. The only scenario that is theoretically possible is if you ejaculate onto a towel that others may use to dry their whole body with. Just make sure you do not share wet bath towels and there is nothing to worry about.

How do I stop orgasm? I don’t have sex but I do orgasm and I want to stop.

Dinah answers: It sounds like you are referring to wet dreams (also called night emissions), where you ejaculate while you are asleep, without any attempt on your part. This could be the result of a sexy dream, causing you to orgasm in your sleep without any conscious intention, or it could be the natural course of a wet dream, where you don’t necessarily experience orgasm. In any case, you are not in control of this. Wet dreams happen mostly in your teens, when your natural sex drive is high but your sexual outlets are few. If you do not masturbate or have sex, for whatever reasons (religious, cultural, lack of privacy, or any other) it is natural for guys to experience some wet dreams. It is a totally healthy way for your body to clear out “old” semen to replace it up with fresh ones.

I get a good erection but cum very quickly. What can I do!!!

Dinah answers: What you are describing is a very common complaint of men, especially younger men. It is usually referred to as “premature ejaculation” but you don’t need a professional diagnosis to know that you want to have better sexual control than you currently have. Being able to control, to some degree, your orgasm and ejaculation, can allow you to feel more pleasure, be relaxed during sex and give your partner more pleasure. But don’t think that pleasing your partner is all about being able to hang in there endlessly. You can extend the sex without extending the penetration element and both be completely satisfied. There are a range of treatments and therapies, some of which we can only mention on in this forum because they demand a personal consultation. Some men can be helped by simply applying a cream that desensitizes the penis. It is best to discuss with a doctor, to find the best available option, but there are now some available over the counter. Another simple method is to use a latex condom. This can decrease sensitivity and if that is not enough, there are condoms available with desensitization cream on them. It is also reasonable to layer up with two condoms at a time. The stop-and-start technique is somewhat successful in teaching men to stop and reduce their level of stimulation just before they ejaculate. This technique takes time and practice, and is best learned when masturbating. It involves developing discipline to stop yourself from reaching orgasm, despite it being such a powerful impulse. Just before ejaculation, however soon it may be after beginning, you have to stop the stimulation and press the spot just below the tip of the penis until your erection goes down. You then start again and do this a few times. Over time you will learn the feeling of control and the different levels of arousal that can be experienced. Another option is using medicines, but all of these need a doctor’s prescription. A lot of men have no success with any form of physical technique and may need to consider that there is some tension involved in having sex that needs to be dealt with through therapy. There are many different therapy models that work on different people to different extents. Some therapists believe that men need to feel much less stress and pressure during sex, so they encourage romance and various distractions. Other therapists think that men who need more ejaculatory control need to learn to face the pressure of sex instead of avoiding it, so they make them confront all their fears and inadequacies.

I am trying not to ejaculate for a month. When I eventually do cum will it be more than normal? Will my orgasm be super intense? Also, will there be more sperm contained in the semen?

Dinah answers: It is likely that your orgasm will be more intense if you hold off longer than you are used to, but you may also find that your body has some surprises for you. If you find yourself having erotic dreams, you could land up having a nocturnal emission (wet dream) because your body and unconscious mind are ready for it before your conscious mind is. If your ejaculation-strike holds out all month, there won’t be more sperm than usual. Your sperm will be a bit older, because they’ll have been lying around waiting all this time. This is the reason that during fertility treatment, men are expected to provide sperm that is freshly produced, but hasn’t been saved up for more than a few days since the last ejaculation. Since the orgasm and the ejaculation are two separate events, even if the sperm are older, the orgasm can feel stronger and more exciting because of the psychological and physiological release. In any case, holding out won’t harm your fertility (long-term) or your sexuality; if anything, it’s a good way to learn more about thresholds and bodily reactions.

My new boyfriend has a problem with condoms. After he puts one on, he loses his hard-on within minutes. I've always used condoms and don’t feel safe without them. Is this how intercourse is going to be from now on?

Dinah answers: Using condoms skillfully comes easy to some. Others need a little more explanation than the manufacturers provide. Using condoms is really both an art and a science (read this article). If you choose to use condoms, as do so many women who can’t or won’t use hormonal contraception, then learn to work with them. It sounds like your fella is losing his wham because his sensitivity is lost when the rubber goes on. He’s probably used to a high level of sensitivity on his penis, and this can be improved by using a bit of lubricant inside the condom, in addition to using it on the outside, which can give a more natural feeling to both you and him. There’s also something to be said for getting used to different levels of sensitivity. There are lots of ways to keep the arousal level up by moving between genital and other contact intermittently, and slowly learning to enjoy the new sensations. By the way, for all those couples who don’t like the desensitization that condoms bring, there are other couples who enjoy this effect because it allows them more time and control during intercourse.
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