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Female Sexuality

Ask Dinah your question

I was sexual aroused by watching a movie. I felt my vagina contract and expand. Is this harmful to my hymen?

Dinah answers: Sexual arousal happens to females at all ages in a variety of conditions, virgins and non-virgins. There is no connection between being aroused and virginity. Arousal simply means that your vulva and vagina were engorged with blood, which probably felt nice; it sounds like it may have felt like throbbing which is normal too. This cannot tear the hymen or effect it in any way.

ive been sexually active for about 2 years now, however whenever i try doggy style, i bleed bad? this is the only position that makes me bleed.

Dinah answers: Doggy style is fun for some women and for most men, because it allows deep penetration and also rubs the anterior wall of the vagina, in other words the top wall, when you are lying on your back. If it is causing you to bleed, it is not a good position for you. Skip it and stay with whatever other positions are comfortable and hopefully enjoyable. Tearing of the vaginal tissue which leads to bleeding, opens you up to infection and more pain in the future, so just avoid it. If the bleeding recurs in other positions in the future or if you feel pain in the area, go get checked out by a gynecologist or at a family planning clinic.

i'm married, studying in medical school. so i and my husband had a gap of sex of 10 to 15 days. Before we had a 1 month gap. so when we started to have sex his penis wasn't entering inside my vagina, it took time n also i had pain n feelings like the 1st time sex with him. Is there any possibility to have vagina become tight like virginity time?plz i was worried and full of pain after sex,but when I had sex 4/5hr later its seems sort of normal. we were having perfect sex n position until the long gap. Plz let me know is it normal or not?

Dinah answers: A gap of a month or so is really not a long time, so there is no way that the time could have led to physical changes. Maybe after a few years your muscles could have tightened or waned, but not after just a few weeks. The most likely explanation is that you were not properly lubricating. This could make penetration more difficult and leave you feeling pain. If this is the case, you could simply add some lubricant (which you can buy at a pharmacy) or, if you don’t use condoms, some almond oil. If this is not the problem, and lubricant does not work, you should have a check-up with your gynecologist, who can take a proper look instead of guessing.

During oral sex when I start feeling good my husband stops and puts his penis in me so we can get off together and the tingling I was feeling goes away. is this normal?

Dinah answers: You are describing a great example of a mistake people learn from films and TV: the myth of orgasming together. You, like the majority of women, get very stimulated by oral sex. If your man were to continue, you’d most likely enjoy a great orgasm, perhaps even a few orgasms. But when he stops the direct stimulation to your clitoris and moves to penetrative sex, you don’t continue to get the stimulation you need and the show is over for you. You need to speak to him about this. Before you can manage to orgasm together (which is a rare thing, something that needs a great deal of skill), you need to learn to orgasm separately. He should know that the best chance of you orgasming at the same time as him would be if you had at least one strong orgasm from his tongue, and then you continued to penetrative sex. You may need to find a position in which you or him (or maybe a vibrator) continues to stimulate your clitoris which he thrusts inside you. Some women are able to orgasm vaginally (from penetration of his penis or hand) after a clitoral orgasm (from oral or hand stimulation of the clitoris), and some simply need direct clitoral stimulation from start to finish. Your guy needs to understand that you two need to try a few different things to see what works for both of you and you need to communicate to each other what is working and what is not.

I'm 18 and I lost my virginity last November to my boyfriend at the time. I was with him for a while and I wasn't very sexually attracted to him anymore so sex hurt a lot (I think it was because I wasn't able to get wet). Then when I've had sex with other men who I'm very attracted to I've been realizing even if the guy is very large I can't feel it very well. I think I get too wet, does that make any sense? I masturbate every day just by rubbing my clit and I'm worried that might also be making me looser? please help me!!!

Dinah answers: Your clit is external, so no amount of rubbing or touching will affect the tightness of your vagina. It will give you pleasure, a great outlet and a good understanding of your sexuality so there is no reason to stop or cut down. Lubrication may well explain the pain you felt with an ex who you weren’t attracted to, and the reduced sensation when you are very turned on. Too much wetness is not difficult to deal with, simply wipe yourself off from time to time, after asking your partner to withdraw or to partially withdraw. It is just a matter of a second or two and shouldn’t interfere with the flow, certainly not as much as your loss of interest would. Do not consider using powders or any other material to dry you up; it can cause lacerations and you can experience great discomfort, which you already know about. Why not consider adding some clitoral play (which you apparently enjoy) during the intercourse. You can use your hand, his hand or a sex toy. When you are more stimulated, you may well be more sensitive to the internal sensation of his penis moving against your vagina. And even if not, at least you’ll enjoy penetrative sex along with your partner.

im 15 and a virgin and my boy friend fingered me 2 days ago and i noticed when i came home what i think is a small cut on my left vagina lip. it is saw and keeps sticking to my underwear and bleeds a little bit!

Dinah answers: If you have not healed by now, and if there is any soreness or burning in the area, you may have an infected wound so you should see a doctor. But it is more likely that it will pass on its own. In future, make sure that your partner has clean hands before he touches you and that his nails are not long or sharp enough to scratch you. He should be touching you with his finger tips and not with his nails.

I desperately need to make my vagina as tight as possible. My husband says he no longer wants to sleep with me because he doesn't feel anything when he's inside me. that's why he tries to go in so deep. He says it's not that I'm too open but he's thinks he's too small so I want to close myself up so that he can feel everything almost as if I were a virgin. He say he thinks it also cuz I was used to sleeping with guys who were extremely large. I can't remember to do kegels so that's out. Do you recommend any good creams or sprays to tighten and shrink permanently. I can't afford surgery.

Dinah answers: Your partner is being unfair. The problem of not being a perfect match belongs to both of you and you can both make efforts to work with it. First of all, don’t ditch your Kegels. They are important for your reproductive health and will protect you from problems in the future as well as helping to feel more sensation during sex. Make the effort to remember! There are lots of creams and “instant methods” advertised to tighten a loose vagina. I don’t believe in them, nor do I like the idea of surgery. They play on your vulnerability because you don’t have any way of knowing how loose you really are, after all, who do you compare to? Your partner is not a scientific measure, and it seems that he is showing a lot of insecurity that he’s expecting you to fix. He also needs to come to terms with his sexual anatomy and make more of an effort. Doesn’t satisfying you mean anything to him? You can try having sex in different positions that allow him to rub against the vaginal walls more. Lying sideways or closing your legs can help, but you should experiment and find what works for you. If he wants more sensation, you can add a hand or a penis ring during penetration, or take breaks to give a good rub.

Why does my vagina spit out semen after having sex with my fiance?

Dinah answers: Don’t think of this as “spitting out”. Your vagina is accepting as much semen as is necessary. Just the strongest and fastest few sperm are needed for impregnation. The semen that carries the sperm is just a vehicle, it doesn’t need to be absorbed. So all the excess semen seeps out later, after its job is done, with a little help from gravity.

When my boyfriend enters his finger in my vagina or penetrates regularly, water and white colour like cream are discharged. is it safe for me?

Dinah answers: If this doesn’t cause any pain or discomfort, and if there is not a strong smell, then it is a sign that there is nothing wrong. What you describe as water is most likely to be female ejaculate. You should read more about this to understand what it is and if this is what you experience. The discharge is quite normal, especially if it is white coloured and doesn’t cause itching. This is probably just your body showing signs that you are involved and enjoying the feeling. You should accept the fact that your body is so responsive; you may find that it can help you in the future to understand what your body needs and wants.

i used to finger myself when i feel exited. so, one day , i was out of control and i used a pen correction instead of fingering so i bleed at the end, but i thought it was my period because i was bleeding the whole week. And after a month, i made love with my boyfriend and i didn't bleed. worst, when i used the missionary position i felt bad and it seems like there is a dam inside because he couldn't go far but with the other position it goes down at a point that i need more and more. i' m worry about my situation because i told him that i 'm virgin. Am i still a virgin or not?

Dinah answers: I’ll start with the last question: you are no longer a virgin if you have had penetrative sex. The fact that you bled from inserting a pen, but not from sex does not necessarily mean that you broke your hymen with the pen, although this might have happened. You could have broken your hymen at any time in the past. As for the bleeding, this could be blood that came from the vaginal walls. They are very fragile tissue and can easily be scratched and torn with sometime sharp that is inserted. As far as the discomfort of missionary position, it is possible that the shape of your vagina makes some positions difficult. The answer to this is finding those positions that are more comfortable and enjoying sex this way, not forcing the uncomfortable ways. There is nothing particularly special about missionary position, other than it being so common. Keep experimenting and you can have a very rich sex life. I would still suggest that you confirm this by visiting a gynecologist and asking her or him to examine the shape of your vagina. This is nothing to be worried about, it is not uncommon; it is just good to know about and to be able to explain to your partner/s.

i have a fat almost hairless vagina. Why is that? it also hurts when i have sex, like the penis was bumping something. only had sex like four times in 12yrs. no one believes me. Im 54.

Dinah answers: The fat layer and hair around your vulva (the vulva is the whole thing, the vagina is just the internal channel) are meant to protect you, by adding padding when a partner thrusts on you. The lack of hair may cause a partner’s hair to scour you, which can be pretty nasty, but the fatty tissue that covers the pubic bone perhaps offers some other protecting, though not necessarily what you need. If this hair has thinned out in recent years, perhaps it is something that you should check out with a dermatologist. If it has always been that way, then that is just the way your body is. The best way to work around this is to have sex in positions other than the missionary position. This way you can avoid having intense banging on your vulva area. Positions like doggie-style or backward entrance, where a partner enters your vagina while he spoons you (ie. you’re both on your sides and you have your back to his stomach) can relieve the discomfort. If the pain also comes from inside, it may be that you are sensitive to a penis knocking your cervix area. Again, changing positions can make all the difference. For this doggie-style isn’t good because it allows him to enter deeper, but backward entrance positions can be the way to go.

My wife has a very tight vagina. She said this has always been the case, and that her doctors have told her she has a small vaginal opening (she told me they've always used relatively small speculums). Sometimes it seems that it might be too tight. I have 2 questions. First, is it possible to stretch her vagina so it isn't so tight? Second, is it safe to insert a finger into her vagina when my penis is inside of it? I have done this a couple times depending upon the position we were in and it felt really good, but I want to make sure it's safe to do.

Dinah answers: It is safe to stretch a vagina, but it needs to be done carefully and responsibly. A doctor or physiotherapist who specialize in gynecological issues can recommend the right size dilators, or other instruments for her to insert and get used to. For this and for sex, lubricant is very important. Remember that if you force something too wide, it could tear her vaginal tissue and it can cause her to contract the muscles when anything approaches and make it even tighter next time. I am not sure why you want to add a finger during intercourse. This is good if she wants extra girth, but that hardly seems to be her problem. Why does she need to be further stretched if you manage to penetrate her without pain? If it feels good for her, then there is no danger in using a finger while penetrating, but if this is being done as an exercise and not for the fun of it, this is not as comfortable as simply using a bigger dilator.

I've been fingering myself for the last 10 or more years and my age is 22. tell me if my vagina gets loose from fingering. does it mean i'm not a virgin???? Is fingering harmful for my health or not???? i'm so worried

Dinah answers: Fingering is completely safe and it is a normal way to discover and enjoy your sexuality. You cannot break your hymen (unless it is so weak that it would break anyway without having sex), so you will not lose your virginity. Do not waste your time worrying. Although many people try to discourage masturbation, it is not dangerous, in fact it is quite healthy as a safe way to channel your sexual energy.

Is horseback riding a sexual stimulant for women???

Dinah answers: Not unless she is in love with the horse, or she uses the time to relax and fantasize. Ok, some women will be able to masturbate from the rubbing of the saddle on their vulva or clitoris, if they are able to lean forward. But most women cannot enjoy such indirect and crude stimulation, especially something that they cannot control with ease. What may be helpful in getting your woman into the mood is the romance factor – the outdoors, the alone time, the romantic setting and certainly the effort you put into arranging an interesting activity together. Believe me, this works as well as anything.

My boyfriend fingered my and i started bleeding. How long will it bleed? This never happened before when my other boyfriends. Should i be wearing a sanitary pad? Will he be able to finger me again?

Dinah answers: You should try to figure out what kind of bleeding it is: is it the bright red blood of a cut? This will stop bleeding as soon as the tear heals, which will be no more than a few hours if you don’t wipe it or touch it and reopen the wound. If the blood is darker and thicker, it would be menstrual blood and that means that by some coincidence your period began soon afterwards. Another possibility is that you have some sores, like herpes sores, which his fingernail tore and caused to bleed. These are very infectious and could be spread by his hand or by the blood itself. I think it is worthwhile having a gynecologist take a look. If this is the case, you need to learn to identify the signs and stay away from penetration of any kind when the sores appear.

I'm a 37-year-old woman who has been unable to garner a date ever because men don't find me attractive. And yet, I have intense sexual desires. My hot co-worker's mere presence causes me to produce a lot of natural lubrication. I use a mini vibrator to have a clitoral orgasm when I get home. But, I'd like to experience a G-spot orgasm before I die. Try as I may, I can't get the 1

Dinah answers: You can keep trying for a G-spot orgasm by stimulating the G-spot more intensely. The simplest way is using a vibrator that is solid (as opposed to wobbly) with a little hook on the end for easy access. If you don’t manage, don’t get down on yourself, because despite the great marketing that it gets, some women just don’t manage to experience G-spot orgasms, certainly not ejaculations. If you are enjoying clitoral orgasms, continue to develop these. They may help you experience G-spot orgasms in time, but even if not, you’ll enjoy the process. By the way, a G-spot orgasm is not necessarily the only form of internal orgasm; some, but not by any means all women experience internal orgasms during intercourse. There is something to be said for the enjoyment of sharing an orgasm in this close way, but otherwise it is usually slightly weaker than the more intense clitoral orgasm. If your gynecologist has checked you and said that nothing is wrong, and if you have managed to stretch the entrance already, then it seems that there is no organic problem with your vaginal muscles or hymen; you simply need to get used to stretching. If you feel tight when you try to insert a vibrator or dilator, use water-based lubricant or natural oil. If your doctor is right about your hymen, then it will be stretched and or torn over time, but this is not violent or painful, it happens naturally upon penetration and sometimes just doing sports or riding. As for overcoming your sexual desires, I personally don’t believe in trying to conquer them. I think it doesn’t work without deadening a part of your passion and vitality. You need to indulge desires, but this doesn’t mean going beyond your own limits. Masturbation is a perfectly healthy way of relieving desire. Don’t stop at one orgasm, keep going until you feel satiated and you’ll have it easier at work.

my girlfriend and i had sex more than 3 times this week and i cummed inside her all 3 times, is it dangerous for her if i cummed inside her more than 3 times??

Dinah answers: There is no danger of “filling her up” with semen, because without a condom (or other contraceptive barrier), only a small amount of the sperm enter her body and the remaining ejaculate simply drips out. Sometimes having a lot of sex over a short time can cause tears to her vaginal tissue, which causes discomfort to her. Of course, if you are not clear of STDs, the more times you have sex, the greater the risk, but otherwise, there is no problem with having sex 3 or more times in a week, or in a day for that matter.

i enjoy sex either by myself or with my husband .But one thing confuses me , it's that i always pee when my clit comes in contact with something ..Is this already ejaculation in my part ?

Dinah answers: Usually female ejaculation occurs following stimulation of the internal G-spot, which is far from what you are describing. It is more likely that you have a muscular control problem, triggered by a sensitive clitoris. I think you should try get to the root of this by discussing and checking it with your gynecologist. It would also be helpful to collect a bit of the liquid for testing. Urine is very discernible by smell and biochemistry.

I got question that annoys me a lot, so I found your website and I am writing to you. I'm a 25 years old asian girl, I am not married, never had any sexual relationship with anyone. My question is a few days before I get my menstrual cycle or during my period I feel very uncomfortable and restless, kind of horny. I don't know whether it's normal or not. The other part of my question is that during my period as I felt so restless watching some movie on the net, it was the fifth day of my period and while watching that movie I got aroused and i got some kind of stimulation. Then I got discharge and a little bit of blood, I am worried whether it was my period or I harmed my hymen. I didn't use anything or touched, I just got aroused. Is it possible to hurt the hymen by external masturbation??? Please explain it to me.

Dinah answers: It is completely normal and natural to feel restless, uncomfortable and unusually horny before your period starts and during the first few days of your period. Sometimes it occurs one month and not the next. It is brought on by the intense hormonal changes that happen in your body during this point in your cycle. Some doctors suggest that women who suffer from extreme discomfort begin to take the pill, which often reduces the pain and other symptoms of PMS (pre-menstrual syndrome). But you can probably limit the negative effects by doing more exercise during this time, and also by eating healthily and cutting down on caffeine and chocolate. (Sorry!) Regarding the arousal you felt by watching the erotic material online, this would most likely cause you to lubricate, whether you masturbated or rubbed yourself or not. If you are on the 5th day of your cycle, you may still be bleeding or you may have stopped and just have some slightly dark mucus and this could be released when you lubricate. If it is dark, then it is the end of the menstrual blood. If the blood is bright red, then it is being caused by some sort of injury, which you might have done while rubbing your vulva. Sometimes when you are highly aroused, you can apply excess force and not feel anything but pleasure. If this is the case, it could be from the labia, or slightly inside the vagina. Some women manage to tear their hymen from external pressure (like horse riding or biking) without penetration. I cannot know from what you have told; if you want to know if your hymen was torn, you need to visit a gynecologist and have it examined. In any case, a bit of bleeding may or may not mean that the hymen is torn. I suggest you read more about the hymen and don’t consider a torn hymen to be a definite indicator of virginity.

When I have sex with my wife, I noticed that in the last year or so, her vagina tends to open up a lot wider than it did before. Sometimes, there is extra room, so that air comes in next to my penis, which results in some farting sounds. Also, she seems to enjoy it when I insert four to eight fingers at the same time as my penis, which is about average - 6 inches. Is this a problem, should I get a penis extender or have some kind of medical procedure to make my penis larger? I enjoy the 'gaping' wide look of her vagina now, so there is no problem with me, other than the fact that, sometimes, I tend to ejaculate more quickly than I think either one of us would like.

Dinah answers: Because the vagina is muscular, it can stretch over time, and it can also be contracted by doing exercises (Kegels). I am not sure what exactly is the problem if you don’t mind penetrating a looser vagina and if your wife too enjoys the penetration. If you both enjoy using fingers for extra feeling, go ahead and enjoy – just make sure the fingers are clean and nails are trimmed. You can try using an extender if the novelty grabs you, but it is not a real solution to anything. It won’t make you feel more comfortable, in fact, it will probably leave you feeling worse about having sex without it. It won’t give you the sensation of feeling your partner’s warmth and wetness on your penis. And it won’t necessarily be as enjoyable for her as your skin is. As far as surgery goes, I strongly oppose it. If you have a functional penis, with good sensation, why do you want to mess with that? You can satisfy your partner in many ways, but sex won’t be pleasurable if you reduce your own sensation or if you start to believe that your size is all that matters. I would recommend that if you want to enjoy the sex for longer, either start and stop before you orgasm; you can learn to control your ejaculation this way. Also, you should have sex that includes oral sex and manual stimulation. Unlike regular gas, “vaginal farts” which come from air being pushed into the vagina, cannot be controlled in the same way, and do not have a bad smell. Although many people don’t understand this, they are nothing to be embarrassed about.

I am wondering why every time i make love to my boyfriend,i start to bleed? sometimes just a little, but sometimes very much,so much that it scares him,and myself, especially since i am not on my period,nor expected to start my cycle anytime soon. This is a huge problem in our relationship because now he is turned off by the thought of making love to me and i am a very sexual woman,who would love to be able to have sex at least 3 or more times a day but because of this bleeding, we are lucky to build up enough courage to have sex even 2 or 3 times a week and thats because i wine and complain, and even throw temper tantrums so that he will make love to me. He is 22 and i am 32, we love each other dearly and both want to stay together but i am at the end of my rope with being neglected and denied, My need for sexual pleasure and his thoughts that he is slaughtering me or even killing me, does not go hand in hand and although he does have a bigger penis than anyone i have had intercourse with, i dont think that that is what is doing it. could you please tell me and my man why penetration makes me bleed like this???

Dinah answers: I am surprised to read that you are bleeding and not feeling pain. Usually your body will give you signs to hold off when you are doing something to harm it, which you clearly are if it is causing bleeding. Either the blood is coming from your vaginal lining which might be too dry or fragile to handle a lot of friction. If this is the case, you need to use more lubricant and also discuss with your doctor the option of using estrogen cream. Otherwise, the bleeding could be because you have sores inside your vagina which are caused by a sexually transmitted infection. If this is the case, then continuing to open up these sores each time you have sex will only make things worse. The only way you can know what the cause of the problem is, is to visit a doctor and have her or him take a look and maybe test you. I agree with your boyfriend that you guys should hold off on the sex, at least stay away from vaginal sex. There are lots of other ways to enjoy your sexuality while you take care of this bleeding problem.

my husband says my vagina has the consistency of cartilage. I would like to get the consistency of velvet or something softer. Is there a way to do that safely or is this something that happens with age? I'm in my mid to late 30's.

Dinah answers: Don’t ever mess with your vaginal tissue. It is sensitive and it can cause you pain and lead to other complications if you try to apply unnecessary substances to it. Keep in mind the the vagina hosts its own idyllic ecosystem and getting it off balance can very quickly lead to thrush and other bacterial problems. I am not sure what your husband has experienced that leads him (or you) to expect that you “fix” your interior design; if your vagina is very tight, it might feel this way, but then you too would be aware of this and it would be sore for you when he penetrates, or tries to do so. This can and should be treated by a pelvic floor physical therapist (physiotherapist). Unless it is causing you pain, don’t try to change the perfect set-up of your vaginal condition. What you can do is try giving him that softness outside of penetrative sex. By that I mean that you can use silk and velvet cloth to stroke his penis if he enjoys the sensation, and allow penetrative lovemaking to have the unique feeling that it has. Penises tend to respond well to changes in pressure and texture, so the “harder” sensation may be something welcome after soft and delicate external touch. If he is not able to handle insertion, perhaps he may want to check out his sensitivity levels. In any case, you can always adapt your lovemaking to include as little or as much penetration as you like. There are many other ways to enjoy your sex.

if you know your wife has enjoyed fisting before, should a man do that for her, and if I do that for her will she tighten back up?

Dinah answers: I don’t think you should be asking me; your wife is the only one that can give you that answer. Before you bring up the subject, though, think about these few points. How do you know that she enjoyed fisting? Did she tell you so, in which case she may be suggesting she’d like to try with you, or did you hear it from someone else, in which case you need to ask yourself (and her) if it is actually true that she partook in fisting and if so, did she really enjoy it? Even if she did try it before, consider that your fist may be very different in size to that of a previous partner. Just notice the difference in size between her fist and yours to see what a different sensation each would create. Whether you should do it is based primarily on if she really wants this type of sex, and secondly, it depends on whether you would feel comfortable doing it to her. Fisting is something that takes time and a measure of tolerance because it does stretch the vagina far beyond its regular proportions. Over time, this tends to change the tightness that is felt during penis-vagina sex. Her vagina is made of muscle tissue. Once it is severely stretched it can go back to close to its previous proportion, just like after childbirth, but she may need to do Kegel exercises and give it some time. Of course, trying fisting once or twice would not be as difficult on the muscles as doing it regularly, in which case getting it back into its original tightness would be difficult.

my wedding day is after one month 8th august my period came yesterday 8th july and ofcourse i dont want my period to come on my wedding day. i asked the doctor she told me to use the pills that prevent pregnancy from the third day of the period and not to stop it until i want the period to come again this means i have to take it for at least 30 days. sorry 4 my much details but would you please tell me if what the doctor told me is right or not and if not, can you give me another advise. thanks for your patience and your great website it is really special and beneficial for all.

Dinah answers: First of all – congratulations! You deserve to be completely at peace on your wedding day and if not having your period will make you feel better, and more sexually available in the days that follow, then you can certainly use the pill to delay your period. As your doctor mentioned, you simply take a whole month’s pills (21 days) and instead of taking the 7-day break after the last pill, during which time your period would naturally begin, you go straight on to the next box of pills. When you stop taking the pills, whether you finish the package or not, your period will begin within a few days. Some women feel a little bloated from continuing onto the second pack, but there is no physiological reason, probably just a strange feeling that you are interfering with nature. In any case, there is no reason to worry about doing this occasionally, it is perfectly safe and it is a method that many women use when they are in your situation. Have a wonderful wedding day!

My question is about my hymen, and I am too worried about this. Once I was watching some picture on the net and I had an orgasm, after that there was some discharge as usual and in the discharge I saw a blood spot or layer. I thought it is my period because it was the time for my period but after cleaning it with the paper there was nothing else. Then after two days I got my period, now I am too concerned about it. did I harm my hymen or what? Because in my culture it is too important to have an intact hymen. Please explain it.

Dinah answers: There are two options here. This could be spotting which sometimes happens before your period, when only a drop or more of blood appears on the days just before (or just after) you are bleeding solidly. It is likely that this could happen after masturbating because little bloody spots can be “washed down” with cervical mucus and lubrication. If it is spotting, it tends to be dark red or even brownish in colour. On the other hand, blood from a torn hymen is bright red. It is possible that you torethe hymen if you inserted fingers or an object. It is not possible if you were just touching the clitoris. There is also a possibility that you made a tiny laceration but did not tear it completely, in the way that intercourse will tear it. In this case, there could be more bleeding when you have intercourse. Read more on Virginity and the Hymen

You talked about the health benefits of a man's semen but didn't mention the ejaculation from a woman. I love to give my wife oral sex and love the smell and taste of her vagina. Are there any health benefits form swallowing her vaginal juices?

Dinah answers: This is a very good question. There is no research that I have been able to find about the health benefits of either female lubrication or female ejaculate. We know what chemicals they contain and we know that there is no harm in ingesting any of these, as long as they are free of STDs. But we certainly do not have the amount of information about women’s fluids that we do about men’s. Read more about the taste and benefits of her fluid.

My boyfriend and I had a serious chat the other day and he told me I dont satisfy him. I was deeply dissapointed. He explained that after about 10 mins into sex he doesnt feel me anymore, and he thinks its because I have a big vagina. I'm 6.2 ft and he thinks its because I'm tall that I have a big vagina, is this true? If it is, is there anything I can do about it? Will the exercises help? Can a vagina get smaller than what its originally supposed to be? He is the only man I have been with and I'm only active for about two years so that busts the myth of me having to much sex. Please help!

Dinah answers: If his lack of feeling develops only a few minutes into the sex, and is not there from the start, it may well be that it is due to a lot of lubrication that the sensation gets lessened. There is nothing wrong with you, if this is the case. You can simply stop and wipe some of the wetness away . You don’t need to wipe yourself dry because this would be painful for you. It could be that you and your boyfriend are not ideally matched in proportions. This doesn’t mean that you are too big, or that he is too small, it just means that you need to figure out positions and lubrication levels that can help maximise the pleasure. Your being tall may mean that your vagina is relatively long, but it doesn’t mean anything about the width or tightness, which is what he is feeling. You can indeed help tone the muscles of the vagina, by practicing Kegel exercises. But – please – don’t start feeling critical about yourself. Its great that you can discuss your sexual responses with each other, but its uncool that he should be putting any blame on you. Its up to both of you to discover what satisfies you when you are together. Remind him and yourself that there is much more to sex than vaginal penetration.

A question about the gynecologist. I wanted to know how big is the instrument used to do the exam as far as inches? It is for a 15 year old, so I am worried.

Dinah answers: The instruments used for pelvic exams come in different sizes, depending on the need. They are suitable for little girls as well as women. The instrument, called a speculum, needs to stretch the vagina a little in order to do the examination, but the stretching itself is not painful, as much as it is slightly uncomfortable. What makes it painful for some girls and women is their anxiety, which makes them tense their muscles. If inches is what bothers you, I can tell you that the length of the spectulum is not important because it will not reach the end of her vagina, but the discomfort she feels is from the fact that the speculum opens up the width of the vagina walls. These walls are just muscles so they can stretch, just as they will when she has intercourse, and they retract almost as easily. Read more about the gynecologist visit

I’ve been thinking of removing all my pubic hair. I shaved it off recently and it felt really nice, until the hair started growing back and then I just wanted to scream until it grew out. What do you say about laser treatment to permanently remove it?

Dinah answers: Having hair in the genital area is a sign of sexual maturity. If you like the feeling and look of a clean shaven vulva, its yours to shape and shirk. Just remember, there is a purpose for those short and curlies, so you should know what you’ll be getting into. The pubic hairs on a woman provide a layer of protection for the Mons area, the skin and fat layer covering the pubic bone. Without this hair you will have friction and scratching especially from vaginal-penis sex, because any hair or rough skin on your partner will scour this soft skin area. Laser hair removal involves a long series of treatments over an extended period. It is not a one-time treatment and involves shaving. Whether its laser, waxing, shaving or any other form of taming the bush, each system has its own drawbacks and difficulties when the hairs are removed and when they grow back. It is safer and simpler to remove hairs lying on the outskirts of the pubic area than those close to the lips, where infection and irritation can be more of a problem.

I'm a guy with a hang-up about bra hooks. I fumble and mess up every time I try to get a woman unhooked. I recently tore a girl`s bra and that ended the evening. Should I just ask her to do it herself or is there a trick I`m just not getting?

Dinah answers: I hear you and in the name of all the women who suffer in pain and empathy with men who are bra-hook-challenged, thank you for asking. The classic bra unhooking process involves a bit of knowledge and a bit of practice. With some preparatory work, you too will manage this process that every bra-wearing woman manages every day of her life, even those without coordination. The principle behind the hook is that you use the elastic of the bra to bring the two ends closer together, in order to free the hook. You can easily do this with two hands, so don’t try it with one until you understand the mechanism and get those fingers in shape.

Is it true that once a woman's had an orgasm she should urinate? I heard that it can help protect against yeast infection and other bacteria.

Dinah answers: As a rule, once a woman has had an orgasm, she should try to have some more if she is able, and then lie back and enjoy the afterglow. If she feels pressure to urinate, which may occur from stimulating the G-spot area, do what feels right. Rushing off to urinate and killing the moment, serves no positive purpose, unless there is a specific calling. For women who suffer from chronic urinary tract infections, urinating can indeed be a way to clear out the urethra and stop bacteria that have made themselves comfortable in your system, from swimming up into the bladder. If you are one of those women with frequent yeast infections, you should stay away form penetrative sex during an infection, and if you don’t, urinating will do nothing after sex, except give you that burning sensation that you already know so well.

I'm a woman in my early 20`s and have never had a massage because I'm worried about a person touching my body in that way, even though I am very curious about the experience. Does this make me frigid?

Dinah answers: Massage can be very erotic, if you do it with a partner with the expectation of becoming sexually aroused. It can also be purely relaxational and therapeutic, if your massage therapist is professional. Get a recommendation for a therapist, and choose a woman if it makes you feel more comfortable. Although sexual energy is very much connected to the body pleasure that you feel from a good massage, there need not be any connection between the person working your muscles and the object of your sexual desire. Why not treat yourself to what is really a true one-way pleasure (if it is done right)? Should you find that your massage makes you feel invaded, either ask the masseuse or masseur to move to another area or stop the treatment. This is your right as a client, as it is in any other activity involving your body.

I'm a woman, brought up in a religious community where pre-marital sex was forbidden. Is it normal to still have feelings of guilt about sex, even though that way of thinking is far behind me?

Dinah answers: A woman who still has nagging thoughts or feelings about sex, or even an ambiguous attitude, can experience some level of anguish, which may affect her ability to feel sufficient arousal. It could also block her ability to be fully engaged in her experience and thereby prevent orgasm. Sex guilt is one of the many complex mental hang-ups that can continue to plague sexually-active adults until they are able to deconstruct the early messages and attitudes that they have internalized. The best method to do this is through psychotherapy or sex therapy, in which a person can bring their early experiences back into their conscious mind and put them to rest.

For the past few weeks my boyfriend and I have been trying to have sex, but not managing to get it in. I end up feeling sore until we have to stop trying. Someone suggested using lubricant but I seem to be wet enough on my own. I really want this but I’m getting frustrated.

Dinah answers: Fumbling around is natural when you are inexperienced, or if you are nervous and tightening up, but the pain is real so don’t push yourself once it starts to hurt. Begin with smaller objects, such as a finger, and work up to 2 fingers and more, until you are comfortable enough with the size of the penis. You may not be as well lubricated by then as you were in the beginning, so keep some lubricant on hand. If there is no issue with lubrication on your side, or of losing his erection before you manage to penetrate, then there is the possibility that the difficulty in entering is due to an anatomically small vagina, or even a vagina with a sort of sheathe across part of the entrance. You may be aware of this if you have tried to insert fingers, but in any case it is worthwhile to have a gynecologist look and give you directions on how to go about managing it. For women with tight vaginas, whether the tightness is caused by muscular contractions or because it is anatomically narrow, a pelvic floor physiotherapist can help with exercises and dilators. If there is a layer that is covering the entrance, your gynecologist will need to cut it away, which is a very simple procedure. This layer might be stronger than a regular hymen, in which case it couldn’t be “naturally” torn without causing pain and possible infection. There is also the possibility that the difficulty in entering is caused by the angle of your vagina. A gynecologist will be able to identify this, and suggest ways of making penetration easier, such as different positions. The important thing is to have patience, be gentle with each other, and try to have fun along the way. Remember that your clitoris is still accessible and so is his penis, so you don’t need to land up unsatisfied.

I am worried that my vagina has been stretched by having a lot of sex, with a fair share of different partners over the years. How can I tell if I am not firm enough for my boyfriend?

Dinah answers: Vaginas come in different sizes, and your natural size will stay more or less that way, with a few exceptions. A woman who has never had sex may be a bit tighter before she has penetrative sex, but this change is not huge. Some girls will feel especially tight on their first time but that is because they are tensing their muscles. After natural childbirth the vagina will be stretched, but in the months that follow, the muscles should contract again and the vagina will go back to more or less its pre-birth size, even though the cervix will be reshaped and the lips may look different. A lot of women need to exercise these muscles to get the buoyancy back. With each childbirth the muscles get progressively weaker. Apart from childbirth, the feeling of looseness may be a factor of age, where the muscles may naturally decline, and so you may not feel the pressure the same way from your partner. Whatever the cause of the weakening, women need to learn pelvic floor exercises (Kegels) that strengthen and retone the muscles. Hey also help you to contract them during sex to give more sensation to yourself and your partner. If you insert very large dildos or objects, the muscles could learn to stretch to the size they stretch in childbirth, and this could make penetration with smaller things feel less effective. The bottom line is that sex will not stretch your vagina, if the sex is comfortable and your body is prepared for penetration with enough lubrication. It’s actually quite the opposite – like all our muscles, vaginas work on a “use it or loose it” principle. The regular workout will keep it in shape and well toned. Now go forth and work it!

Is it normal for a straight woman to think about being with other women? I've never considered it as a real option but it often pops into my head when I'm turned on.

Dinah answers: Sexual fantasies about women are extremely common among heterosexual women. That is because fantasies are just that: they are ways in which we take our sexuality to different levels in the privacy of our own minds, keeping it safe and yet interesting. It doesn’t mean that you have lesbian tendencies. You should read the encyclopedia of sexual fantasies called The Secret Garden to learn just how common these and other fantasies are, and how they are used by women to get themselves in the mood, keep the mood up and to take them to places that they otherwise wouldn’t be going. Some women share these fantasies with their partners, or even discuss them with friends to compare and pick up some ideas, whereas others feel that revealing them destroys their special power.
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